Max's World Adventures

A Long Overdue Update

2011-12-31T20:12:00.000-08:00

I’ve neglected you internet. I’ve been out and about with no word of where I’m going or when I’ll behome. But, no matter how badly I treatyou, I know you’ll always be there for me. Just like my right hand. (Editor’sNote: Particularly relevant because I punched through a piece of wood abouthalf an inch thick in Tae Kwon Do two days ago and my knuckles are stillswollen.) So I come bearing the gift oftext to help satisfy your insatiable appetite for data. Just don’t tell SOPA.

I’ve done stuff and things since my last entry, so I supposeI’ll limit this post to the best stories I’ve got from the last 5 weeks or sosince we last spoke (er, I last typed and you remained an unaware vacuum ofinformation sucking up my data). I’vegot two funny students to tell you about, two humorous tales of romantic failure,and one with a seemingly bright future. Off we go.

So my favorite student at Yeonji elementary is undoubtedly alittle girl I affectionately call “Monkey Face.” Monkey Face is in third grade, and has themost fun personality in the entire school. While most students lie to my face calling me “handsome,” Monkey Facetells it like it is. One day, out of theblue, she walked up to me and said “Teacher Ugly Face!” with a mischievous grinon her face. I responded by saying “No,Teacher Handsome Face! Student UglyFace!” She proceeded to call me “MonkeyFace,” so I called her “Lizard Face,” and on it went. For whatever reason, Monkey Face was themoniker that stuck. Whenever she sees mein school she yells “MONKEY FACE!” to which I always reply “No, YOU’RE MonkeyFace!” My schedule changes nextsemester, and I’ll be thoroughly bummed if I don’t get to teach her again. She’s awesome.

My second favorite student is a kid in my after school classnamed Dong Ho. Dong Ho is an excellentEnglish student; his speaking skills, listening skills, and vocabulary allvastly exceed those of his peers. He’salso fun because, unlike most of his peers, he is loud an uninhibited. Most Korean students are pretty shy, but DongHo loves to yell and play and make weird faces. He often calls himself a “crazy guy,” but when I say “Yes, Dong Ho, youare crazy,” he insightfully reminds me “We’re all crazy.” Anyway, my favorite story with Dong Ho wasone day, maybe a month ago, I was explaining a vocabulary word. I forget why, but I chose to explain the wordusing an example between a father and son. So I said to the class “Pretend Dong Ho is my son,” and I began walkingtoward him to carry out the example. Dong Ho leapt out of his chair and yelled “Daddy!!” with his armsoutstretched, seemingly asking for a hug. So I said “Oh, son!” and went to hug him. But when I got close he leapt at me, releaseda menacing “AAAHHHH!!” and pretended to punch me in the face. It was hysterical.

But on to what you came here to read about: my quest totouch Korean women. My first story offailure was perplexing to say the least. I went on a date with a girl who is friends with other Max’sgirlfriend. I had never met her inperson, but I was given her number and we’d been texting for about week. Anyhow, we meet up for dinner and everythingis going great. When she goes to the bathroom,Max’s girlfriend tells me that her friend told her (in Korean, obviously) thatshe thought I was really handsome and liked talking to me. After dinner, we went to another bar and thisgirl started planning future dates for us. I mentioned an ice skating rink and she said “we should go theretogether!” I mentioned a restaurant Ilike and she said “We should go there sometime!” The sailing appeared to be smooth.

But after the bar we went to a club called Blue Monkey. I don’t really like Blue Monkey. The music is really terrible -- just clubremixes (generally awful) of already awful American pop songs and the volume isoppressive; whenever I spend an evening there I go to bed with my earsringing. So at the Blue Monkey club,this girl just disappeared. She saw somefriend of hers and just took off. Wesaid maybe three things to each other during the two hours or so we were there,and then she ended up leaving without saying goodbye. I sent her a facebook message the next daysaying I was confused and wondered if she still wanted to go ice skating. She got back to me with a vague responsethree days later, which I decided to just ignore.

My second story of failure is less confusing and moreamusing. One night, Nick, Doug, Max andI went to this new bar in Kyungsung called L-Zone. L-Zone has this deal where you pay about $10and get unlimited drinks. They also haveseveral sets of Jenga and a Wii, so it’s a pretty fun place. This evening, we were playing Jenga with someKorean guys we met and I drank probably 5 glasses of beer. At least I thought it was beer. I later learned that it was beer mixed withsoju, which is roughly twice as potent as regular beer. As a result, the end of my night is a bithazy. Here’s what I did remember: overthe course of the night I had prolonged conversations with two girls. I ended up with one girl’s number. Her name was Kahlin. The problem? I couldn’t remember which of the two girls was named Kahlin.

Flash forward to the next weekend (Christmas Eve). I had sent Kahlin a few texts trying toascertain her identity, but the attempts were futile. I ended up at the Blue Monkey, and a girlstarted talking to me. I knew she wasfamiliar, but I couldn’t quite recall her name. Why I was unable to put two-and-two together I have no idea, but I endedup just asking her “Sorry, could you remind me of your name again?” She looked at me with an understandablypissed-off expression and said “Uh, I’m Kahlin.” Being the suave gentleman that I am, Ireplied, “Well, I guess I blew that.” Kahlin was none too pleased, and concluded her time would be betterspent elsewhere.

Normally, I’d be upset with myself for blowing it withKahlin, as she’s a pretty attractive woman. But I wasn’t upset in the least. Why, you ask? Because momentsearlier I was approached by an even more attractive woman. Right as I walked in to Blue Monkey, this girltaps me on the shoulder and says “I saw you the other day at ThursdayParty.” In my head, I realize this meansthat this girl saw me, remembered me, and, for some inexplicable reason, likedwhat she saw so much that she approached me, which is very rare for Koreanwomen. Right on.

As I’ve said, Blue Monkey is oppressively loud so we wereunable to do much talking. But I’d drankenough beers to be willing to dance to awful music, particularly because I had anattractive women to do it with. So wedanced and danced, apparently for nearly three hours. By the end we got into this cycle where I’dput my hands on her hips and she’d put her arms around my neck, and then she’dturn around and proceed to “freak dance” with me in the gentlest way possiblefor maybe three seconds, and then she’d get nervous and run away. It was really cute. Added bonus: the girl, Myung Su, came with afriend and Nick ended up chatting and dancing with her. We both left with their numbers. As I said to Nick at the end of the night,“Usually the Monkey just throws his shit at you but every so often he gives youa banana.”

Now I’d scheduled a date via text for Saturday (New Year’sEve – figuring midnight may facilitate a first kiss), but on Friday night shetexted me asking what I was up to. Itold her I’d just finished dinner and was at a bar with my friends, and shetexted back “I see you!!” Turns out shewas at the same bar with her friend, so I went over to talk with them. Her friend was vetting me pretty hard, butI’m confident I passed her tests. I hadthem laughing a lot. At one point MyungSu told me that I was making her laugh so much that I was giving her aheadache. The potential boyfriend in mewas concerned for her well-being, but the comedian in me was brimming withpride.

Last night we had our first official date. We went to this Italian place and shared apizza and a steak and lobster surf and turf platter. It was the first steak I’d had in Korea, andthe first time I’d had lobster in a while. Good stuff. After dinner we wentthis bar called The Dugout, which has 400ml draft beef for $2.50, and the freebar snack is nachos. We talked and had afew drinks, and then went to Blue Monkey for their New Year’s party. The theme was stop-light, which means theygive you glow bracelets to indicate your relationship status. Green means “single,” yellow means “dating,”and red means “taken.” I wanted no partof deciding our status, so I just followed Myung Su’s lead. She asked for a yellow and green bracelet.

We got there around 10:30pm, so there wasn’t muchdancing. We just sat in the corner, gotdrinks and talked. At some point I putmy arm around her, which she responded to positively. By midnight we’d gotten pretty touchy, so Itried to kiss her at the end of the New Year’s countdown. She turned her head so I kissed her on thecheek. But she then gave me a sly smile,which I took to mean that she was going to make me work for it. It turned out that her final Long Island IcedTea did all the work for me, because a half hour later she started kissing mein the middle of the dance floor. Shethen led me to a staircase behind the DJ, sat down, pulled me next to her, andstarted kissing me again. About a minutelater, a guy taps me on the shoulder and says “Hey man, I don’t mean to ruinyour game, but just a heads up some guy puked here a while ago. I stand to reveal my pants absolutely coveredin puke. God. Damnit. But I did get to kiss a Korean woman (who is 29!), so overall I considerthe evening a win.

Funny Stories and Funny Shirts

2011-11-22T00:58:00.001-08:00

Two funny stories today from my after-school classes. The first doesn’t have any great quotes oranything, I’d just forgotten how funny kids are when they’re upset. Two kids, Kim Ujin and I Yunmin, were upsetwith each other after class. You see, toget my kids to talk more I divided them into three teams, and then I make eacha day competition. The team that talksthe most wins the day, and the team with the most wins at the end of thesemester gets candy (little do they know I’ll give them all candy). Anyway, Kim Ujin’s team, team 1, beat team 2by only one point today. After class,Kim Ujin and I Yunmin were arguing in Korean. They wouldn’t/couldn’t elaborate with me about what, and I’m unsure whostarted it. Anyway, I made them bothapologize to each other and shake hands. They were super mopey about doing this, which was hysterical. I struggled to keep a straight face.

Before I get the second story, I must explain my famous newacronym: TTT. TTT refers to “TeacherTummy Time,” because whenever we stretch in the beginning of class my shirtrides up and my tummy is visible. Thisalways generates a big (negative) reaction from students, so I always say“Relax, it’s just TTT.” My fifth gradershave really taken a liking to this phrase, and whenever we are going to stretchGwon Hyok always yells “TTT!” Thestudents then accuse each other of liking TTT, which always leads me toproclaim “Everyone loves TTT!”

Anyhow, today’s stretching started out like any other. I told the kids to stand up and Gwon Hyokshouted “TTT!” But then I Dongmin, a kidwho was initially fairly quiet but now is more vocal and I’ve really taken aliking to, pointed and me and said with a menacing face “Teacher, cover yourT!” I nearly died laughing. Since I was sweatpants today (it’s gotteneffin’ cold), I pulled them up. When westretched toward the sky, my T was successfully covered the students gave me aloud ovation.

Another funny moment worth noting today, though nottechnically a story, is that today’s after school topic was “What a WonderfulWorld” by Louis Armstrong. At the end ofclass, when we sing together, I told the kids I’d give bonus points if theysang in Louis’ voice. Their renditionswere pretty priceless.

Before I sign off, there are some funny shirts I’ve beenmeaning to share. So here they are, inno particular order.

A sweatshirt featuring a cartoon character with a smiling face and a circle for a stomach, though just lines for arms and legs. A shooting star was coming out of the stomach and the following is written below, in all caps, “I AM OF THAT BOOMING HAPPY FEELING”
A black sweatshirt featuring block neon letters which read “MAKE LOVE NOT BABIES”
A t-shirt that looked like one of those generic Abercrombie Athletic shirts (or whatever brand makes them) but the front just said “SPORTS” across the chest with a big “23” covering the rest of the front. Then in the bottom right there was one of those “Since 1978” stamps, because that’s when sports were invented.
A hoodie with a big smiley face and a caption below reading “Be Smile.”

Girls Update and School Social

2011-11-04T23:24:00.000-07:00

Heya gang! It's the update you've all been waiting for! And by that, of course, I mean it's the update no one is waiting for but I'll write about it anyway on the internet to feel important.

So, when we last spoke Stella Rocky had agreed to go on a date with me, but didn't return my call to schedule said date. I texted her on Wednesday, and she didn't respond. So I texted here again hours later, saying something along the lines of "I guess you changed your mind on dinner, no worries I'll cease bugging you. Take care." She responded to that one within a half hour, apologizing and saying that she was in Seoul and only just saw my messages. She texted me again to say that she'd be returning to Busan next week. I responded by saying "Right on. Have a blast in Seoul! Still interested in dinner once you're back?" But she didn't get back to me on that one. The Stella Rocky dream has died.

Luckily, I got a very positive response from Bobby, the girl I'd met at Halloween. She agreed to do dinner, which we had last night. It started poorly, as I beat her to the agreed meeting spot and proceeded to check my hair in a window. Of course, as I'm checking my hair, she walks up and says "Don't worry, you look good" in a teasing tone. It threw me off a bit, but being the champion I am with the ladies I quickly recovered. As we walked to the restaurant, I somehow mentioned this dinner being a date (I forget how it came up, I don't know why I would just say it randomly. I suspect she said something to trigger my comment, but if she did I don't remember what she said), and she quickly said "How do you know this is a date? We could barely talk in that loud club." Again, she caught me a bit off guard, but again, being a smooth lady champion, I said "Well, when you could hear them, you did laugh at the jokes I made. And you approached me, so you must like the way I look, and therefore obviously want my body." She laughed and told me fair enough.

The date proceeded to go really well. As you could hopefully tell from the above paragraph, unless I'm a terrible writer (which is very possible), Bobby is playful and sassy. Which is exactly my type. She was also more attractive than I'd remembered (I remembered thinking she looked good when I met her, but last night she looked good), and didn't wear much makeup, if any (huge plus in my book). I also dig her social perception. Over dinner, she said she didn't like most foreign guys because they are "douchebags," a sentiment I agree wholeheartedly with. But even more impressive, she'd keenly noticed that many of these guys "strut around like they're Superman because Koreans love white people, but back home they are probably losers."

After dinner, we went to this Indian restaurant/hookah bar. They had semi-private stalls with translucent cloth dividing each eating area. Bobby got a Jasmine tea, as alcohol makes her easily sick (when she does drink she told me she'll have 1/3 of a beer) and I got a beer. We talked for an hour and a half about all sorts of stuff. She had a big Saturday coming up so she headed home around 11:30, but we talked and connected for a solid 3 hours. Ended the evening with a hug and I told her I wanted to see her again soon. I really hope it works out because I'm ready to retire from the Korean singles scene.

So that's the girls update. The only other noteworthy thing to happen to me since my last blog post was a school social hike followed by dinner on Wednesday. The hike was pretty tame, but I had a hilarious conversation with Mr. Che, another teacher. I was telling him about Bobby, and I told him that she's 30. And he said "Ah, Max, that's OK. Age is just a number. Age is not important." And I replied "Right! What's important is her mind." Mr. Che looked confused and said "No, surface! Surface is what's important!" I guess the American idioms "Don't judge a book by it's cover," and "Real beauty is on the inside" don't get taught in South Korea.

The dinner after the hike was pretty fun. I got drunk because the Vice Principal kept feeding me shots of Soju. But both he and the Principal told me that they wanted me to stay another year, which I took as a nod toward my job performance.

Well that's what's happened in my life. Sick comeback by the Sharks last night, I saw the 3rd period, OT, and the shootout after my Friday classes.

Girls and Fireworks

2011-11-01T19:27:00.001-07:00

Being in Korea for 2 months now, I’ve seen countlessbeautiful Korean women walking with their arms around with shlubby whitedudes. And as a single, fairlynon-shlubby white dude, I find it agonizing. Finding a beautiful Korean to put my arm around has started to take overmy thoughts. This post reflects that, sotake it as a forewarning.

But, before I get into the meat of the post, I mentioned theLotte Giants and their playoff run. Well, it ended in anguish. Thegot crushed 8-4 in an elimination game. The dream is dead.

OK, on to girls.

Two Wednesdays ago, I was riding the bus and I saw agorgeous girl wearing a hat get aboard. The hat was a camouflage Lotte Giants hat, one I’d never seenbefore. I thought to myself “man, Ishould go talk to her.” But I continuedto sit and listen to the White Stripes (the song, in fact, was “You’re PrettyGood Looking for a Girl”). But after 10minutes passed, I convinced myself with the delusional logic that, if this werea movie, the score would probably be a badass song like “Hello Operator” whilethe dashing lead approached the beautiful lady. So I made my move.

I walked up to girl and said “shil lae ha mi da, oh di parda ilgo” (excuse me, where sell this) and then motioned to her hat. Luckily, she spoke English and told me thatshe’d bought it at the Lotte Department Store. I complimented her on the hat, saying I’d never seen it before. She loved it. We continued to talk for 10 minutes or so before getting off at the samestop. When we got off, I asked her forher number. Before she could respond, Isaid “wait, nam ja chin goo isseyo?” (do you have a boyfriend?). She laughed and said she did, but nowregretted it. I laughed and bid heradieu, pleased with myself for at least getting up and talking to her.

I got another chance to approach a lovely lady on theultra-romantic 83-1 bus two days later, as I sat behind a stunning girl sittingwith her friend and wearing a colorful jacket. Again needing about 10 minutes to build my confidence, I approached withthe same “shil lae ha mi da, oh di par da ilgo,” but this time I motioned toher jacket. She looked a little confusedas to why I’d inquire about buying a women’s jacket, so I told her that it’sjust my sister’s style. Like the lastgirl, this girl spoke English very well and was unbelievably flattered by thecompliment. Unlike the last girl,though, she was single (I learned she had no man in her life after she told me“I have no job, I just play all day.” Given her beauty and expensive clothing and jewelry I assumed she had tobe married to a wealthy guy, so I asked “What does your husband do?” She looked at me in shock and exclaimed “I’mnot married, I’m single!”). We talkedfor the rest of the ride, maybe 20 minutes or so. And in a stunning reversal of my normalcharacter, I somehow managed to be charming and charismatic for the duration ofthe ride. I was so charming andcharismatic, in fact, that I got her number while a couple of Korean20-something dudes looked on in envy. Twas pretty cool.

After exchanging text messages that evening and thefollowing Monday, I called Stella Rocky (what I call her; Stella is her Englishname, and her Korean name sounds like Rocky) on Wednesday to ask for adate. She said she had to go to anaunt’s birthday the upcoming weekend, but agreed to dinner the followingweekend. I was pretty pumped about it,but when I called her this past Monday she didn’t pick up and didn’t return mycall. My co-teachers think she’s testingme/toying with me, but it took the wind out of my sails. I’m going to try again today. I’ll keep ya posted, internet.

Speaking of my co-teachers, it turns out that they havehysterical things to say about relationships. My four female co-teachers ALL encouraged me to not be deterred if agirl I’m talking to has a boyfriend. Onetold me that she thought I could get 80% girls I tried with that hadboyfriends. Another said “Just becausethere is a goal keeper doesn’t mean that it isn’t possible to score a goal” (ahilarious attempt at the more well-known “Just because there’s a goalie doesn’tmean you can’t score”). And, beforeleaving to call Stella Rocky for the first time, my 6^th gradeco-teacher messaged me “Good Luck Bro!” over the school messaging system. I now ask them for advice on all things girlrelated, as they are a wealth of information and American sayings.

And now I’m going to talk about three more things is thispost: my new friend Ryan, Fireworks Festival + Halloween, and school (Editor’sNote: Probably the worst transition I’ve ever written. I’ve spent about 10 minutes working on adecent transition and have nothing, probably because I’m an entirely mediocrewriter. I’d spend more time, but I haveclass coming up in 40 minutes and want to finish before then. The closest thing I came up with was “enoughabout girls…” but I’m going to talk about meeting a girl on Halloween. SO DEAL WITH IT).

First, my new friend Ryan. In short, he’s the fucking man. Iwas put in touch with him by Bosston Shangraw, my good college buddy andco-host of a boring sports radio show we put on. Bosston had come to South Korea with a mutualfriend from college who lived in Korea until he was 10. Ryan was his childhood friend, and he hasgrown into a simply wonderful man. He’ssmart, funny, generous, has a car, and makes me wish I was gay. We hung out two weekends ago to watch theinternational fireworks competition followed by dinner and drinks, and then thefollowing weekend on both Friday and Saturday nights.

This past Saturday was the Busan Fireworks Festival mainshow. While the internationalcompetition was pretty cool, the show on Saturday made it seem like child’splay. The show went on for an hour andwas, by far, the most impressive fireworks display I’ve ever seen. The colors were vivid and bright. The fireworks were not only overwhelming involume, but also elegant and artful. Some fell from the bridge like a waterfall. Others exploded to have the jets of lightfall together in beautiful synchronization. Some exploded and the jets of light shot outward in a spiralpattern. Others exploded into shapeslike a cube, a smiley face, a bunny face, or to spell “BUSAN.” I have a videos and pictures, I’ll uploadthem soon.

After the show Nick, Max, Doug and I went to Kyungsung andmet up with Ryan. We ended up at thisbar/club called the Blue Monkey, which was pretty fun. I love how Halloween is a holiday foreveryone: kids get candy, adults get to give candy to adorable children, andimmature 20-somethings like myself are treated to girls in promiscuousoutfits. I ended up meeting one suchgirl, who was fittingly dressed in a Hooters outfit. I was shocked to later learn that she’s 30years old (30 in Korean, 29 in Amurica), but that sure didn’t stop me fromgetting her number.

Before I sign off, I do have a few fun stories/observationsto share from school. I’ll start withthree kids in 3^rd grade (all in different classes) that are justadorable. The first is this little boywith skin a bit dark for a Korean, glasses, and a really funny soundingvoice. He is the most enthusiasticstudent I’ve got, and always screams the answer when we’re doingactivities. Just today, he yelled“Hello!!” to me from across the field as I walked into school. I knew it was him immediately, as his voiceis so distinct.

The second is a little boy who looks more like an undersizedman. He’s got a really adult-like shapeto his face and he always wears polos with buttons (very rare for 3^rdgraders) which are buttoned all the way up. There isn’t much else that he does that’s funny, I just take delight inthinking of him as “Little Man.”

The last student is a little girl that is just the mostadorable child I’ve ever seen. Whenevershe knows the answer, she always puts her hand up and shouts “Me! Me! Me! Me!Me!” I normally would not cave to this,but she melts my heart. When I walk intoschool, there are kids who come to school early to collect trash and tellpeople to walk around the field. Normally, I pretend I don’t understand and walk through the field to getto the office. But when this girl is onduty, she’ll run in front of me, yell at me in Korean, and point to thesidewalk. Like yelling with her hand up,she’s too cute to say no to. My favoritestory, though, comes from when I was explaining a board game. I was talking about spider squares, whichhave a picture of a spider and mean you have to go back to the beginning if youland on them. Once I explained this, sheshouted in the (cutest distressed voice I’d ever heard) “Oh NOOO!”

The last story to share comes from last Friday, when I wasgreeted with a raucous applause from my last 3^rd grade class of theday. One kid said “Teacher Max! You’re like famous guy! Sign this!” and then pretended to hand me apiece of paper. It would have beenfunnier if he’d pretended/actually lifted up his shirt.

OK, off to class. Sayonara.

Jinju Lantern Festival, Asia Song Festival, and Lotte Giants Playoff Baseball

2011-10-19T22:23:00.001-07:00

Annyung hasseo. Thispost is long overdue, so I’ll just get right to it.

Two weekends ago I went to the Jinju Latern Festival. Jinju is about an hour from Busan by bus, andthe pictures online were breathtaking. Ihad to work at an English festival in the morning running aPin-the-Tail-on-the-Donkey stand, so after a quick lunch and shower I met upwith Nick and Max and we left Busan around 2pm. The ride took a bit longer than usual, as the festival is quite popularand, thus, we hit some traffic. But itwas worth the wait.

We got off the bus and headed straight to the festival area,which all takes place in and around a small river running through downtownJinju. The walkways on either side ofthe river had food stands tons of lantern-figures (a terrible way to describeit but the best term I can think of right now. Basically they looked like statues made of colorful translucent cloth,lit from the inside), and the river was packed with larger, more impressivelantern figures. There were alsofloating walkways constructed for the festival, which made for a fun walk asthey rocked constantly. As you canimagine, the scene was particularly impressive at night, as all of the lantern-figurersin and along the river glowed. Thebridge crossing the river was also lit up, and was probably the highlight ofthe whole festival. To top it off, wewere treated to a brief fireworks show before we left. I promise to get pictures up soon, I know I’mbehind. Sorry.

The next weekend, Nick, Max, Doug, and I went to Daegu forthe Asia Song Festival. Getting there bytrain was quite easy and surprisingly cheap. We also stayed in a really nice hotel for a reasonable $28 perperson. We were only in a hotel since,apparently, we learned nothing from our Seoul housing disaster and failed tobook a hostel far enough in advance. Butthe hotel was so nice and fairly priced that we were all quite happy to pay theextra $6 to have a bigger, more comfortable bed and a private room andbathroom.

My feelings about the concert itself are more mixed. The music was pretty awful. That much I do know. Aside from an electronic band from Japancalled Perfume, the music was just atrocious (incidentally, when Perfume wasplaying we were next to a rabid Korean fan, who was insanely pumped to see themas they had previously never performed in Korea. Not a particularly interesting comment, but Ihope it brings back the memory of him when I read this years later). However, the concert was pretty fun becausethe crowd was just going insane. Also,all of the KPop girl groups were absurdly hot. So there’s that.

After the concert, we met up with this dude namedDanny. Danny is a good friend of Aram’s,and Aram is my close friend from Occidental who spent the last year teaching inDaegu at a hogwan. Danny wasexceptionally nice and generous, inviting us up to his place for drinks andthen buying us a dumpling dinner. He wasa sneaky bastard about paying the bill, too. He went up to order us more food and then gave the lady his creditcard. It goes without saying that Ibought his drinks for the rest of the night (but I’ll say it anyway).

The next morning, we woke up at an all-too-early hour(8:15am, which feels a lot earlier when you go to bed at 3:00) to train back toBusan and go to the Lotte Giants playoff game against SK. Tickets were virtually impossible to get, butwe lucked out as Nick’s co-teacher got tickets and then had to attend awedding. He seemed so dejected about it;I felt really bad. For maybe 10 seconds.

The game was crazy. I’d been to two Lotte Giants games previously, but they did notcompare. The stadium was buzzing. The visiting team, SK, had a raucous cheeringsection. We were sitting right by them,which I knew would either result in awesomeness or an unrelenting urge tocry. Only time would tell.

The game started great. Right when we walked in, the Lotte pitcher picked off the SK runner on 2^ndbase to end the top of the inning. ThenKim Ju Chon, the leadoff hitter and OK Guy’s brother, homered in the bottom ofthe first. By the 2^nd, we(yes, I’m on the team now) were leading 3-0. A guy sitting near us had gotten his hands on a few SK towels, and afterI gave him the thumbs up for jeering the SK section, he gave me one, too. By the 3^rd inning, an old lady SKfan came up and snatched our towels, and proceeded to yell at both of us inKorean. It was a pretty hysterical scene.

In the 4^th inning though, SK clawed its way backinto it. They scored 3 in the top half,but Lotte responded with a run in the bottom of the inning. This left the score at 4-3 after 4innings. By the 8^th, however,SK had taken a 6-5 lead. I was startingto hate sitting by the SK section, though I had to admit that sitting a fewrows in front of their cheerleaders was a sweet consolation prize. In the bottom of the 8^th, though,Lotte’s star I Dae Ho hit a game-tying RBI single. Then, after a quick top half of the 9^th,Lotte came back up with a chance to win it.

The leadoff hitter hit a double. The next guy singled to left, putting runnerson 1^st and 3^rd with no outs. The next batter grounded out weakly to thepitcher, putting runners on 2^nd and 3^rd with oneout. After an intentional walk, the baseswere loaded. A hit or flyball wins thegame. Of course, the batter instead optsfor double play. God. Damnit.

In the top of the 10^th, SK’s number 8 hitterleads off the inning with a home run. Itgot out by about a foot. Lotte goes 1,2, 3 in the bottom of the 10^th and we lose. Great game, but a maddening ending.

As it stands now (4 days later, the aforementioned game wasGame 1) series is 2-1 SK, best of 5. Lotte has to win tonight in Seoul to bring the series back home for Game5. I’ve got my fingers crossed.

Well that’s all I’ve got. And, quite frankly, I’ve gotta go watch Kung Fu Panda withchildren. So I’ll be talking to ya. So long.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things

2011-10-16T23:50:00.000-07:00

So today I was playing a game with 6th graders as part of the "I want" lesson. The game was made through powerpoint using animated gifs. After the team picked their question, the kids had to say "I want to (what's pictured)." So kids would have to say things like "I want to play soccer," "I want to dance," etc.

This one team picked a question which showed a cartoon character drinking an enormous bottle of brown liquid. The word "COLA" was written on the bottle in giant red letters. When I showed the gif, the team said "I want to drink." The answer written on the slide was "I want to drink cola," so I said "I want to drink what?" Almost immediately, one kid yelled "WHISKEY!!"

Me too, kid. Me too.

A Couple Student Interactions I Don't Want to Forget

2011-10-12T03:44:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I had my 4^th grade after schoolclass. We were going to read the story“Silly Sally.” As students tend to comea bit late, I generally have some music playing to help the time pass. One girl had asked me to play “Heal theWorld” by MJ a few days earlier, so I decided to open this class with “We arethe World.” One of my favorite studentsis this kid named Ha Taeuk, a hyperactive little dude who screams his answerswith enthusiasm, even if he’s only thought it halfway through. I’ll take it; it’s better than kids who won’ttalk.

Anyway, I’m in front of the class singing the chorus when HaTaeuk come up dancing next to me. Thenext time the chorus plays, I use a pen to mime a microphone and, after itrepeats a couple times, I put the microphone in front of him. My thoughts were he’d have picked up that “weare the children” (or at least something phonetically close) comes after “weare the world.” Instead, he justscreamed “YEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!!” into the pencrophone. Pretty classic, but I guess you had to bethere.

Another moment I’d like to remember happened a couple weeksago, but I neglected to mention it in a previous post. During class, one of my third graders raisedhis hand and yelled “Teacher!! Teacher!!” When I called on him, he shouted “Teacherhave many furs!”

Seokbulsa Temple and a Weekend in Seoul

2011-10-06T21:37:00.001-07:00

Oh hey America. Longtime no talk. Been reading about thewhole Occupy Wall Street movement. Pretty rad, glad to see how rapidly it’s spreading. Kinda makes me wish I was back home so Icould do some marchin’, yellin’, and sign-bearin’. But anyhoo, no one wants to hear about mygeneric political opinions. My insanetraffic (read: 1 hit/day) is generated by my wild, inspirational tales oftravel. So on we go.

Two weekends ago I want to the Seokbulsa Temple with Nick,Max, and Doug. Doug is a Canadian, hailsfrom Ottawa, who lives in the same area and Max and me. Really cool dude, so cool I’ll forgive himfor liking the Senators. To get to thetemple, we took a cable car up Geumjeong Mountain and then embarked on an hour-longhike. The hike was incredibly steep atpoints and, overall, much tougher than I’d anticipated. When we finally reached the temple, the groupof four decently-athletic young men was drenched in sweat.

Luckily, the temple proved to be worth the walk. High up on Geumjeon Mountain, the site offereda stunning view overlooking the city of Busan. The sprawling city was gorgeous; clusters of buildings stood in bunches,nestled between the numerous lush, green mountains that pop up all over thecity.

The temple itself was as impressive as the view. All of the buildings were simplisticallyelegant and immaculately maintained. Thehighlight, no doubt, was the prayer area, which was located between the facesof two stone cliffs. Several figures,I’m guessing varieties of Buddha, were carved into the faces of thecliffs. It was unlike anything I’d everseen. I’ll have pictures up soon.

That night we went out to Gwangalli Beach, and ended uprunning into Oh Kiu Guy, who I mentioned in my first Busan post. But, in case you’ve forgotten about him, orhave better things to do that read every inane detail I post on the internets,I’ll refresh your memory. Oh Kiu Guy (wecall him OK Guy) is a dude we met our second night in Busan. He talked to us for a while and bought us apitcher. He works as a manager of a shipmanufacturing company. He was out withseveral attractive young women, and the way he was ordering drinks we allconcluded he’s likely wealthy.

Anyway, this evening we saw him again and, as it had been acouple weeks since we’d first met, we had to apologize for not callinghim. We had a good excuse though; wehadn’t gotten phones yes. He told us notto worry and invited us to drink with him. Surprise! He was with a group ofattractive women again. Over the courseof the evening, we learned that his brother is the starting left fielder on theLotte Giants (Busan’s baseball team). People in Busan go crazy for the Lotte Giants. The OK Guy connection is just getting betterand better.

So that was two weekends ago. Last weekend, Nick, Max, Doug, and I went toSeoul. Monday was a national holiday inKorea, and we figured that the 3-day window was the perfect time to venture upthere. Sadly, Nick had to work Saturdaymorning at his school’s open house, so he wouldn’t get in until Saturdayafternoon. So Friday evening just Doug,Max, and I took the KTX bullet train to Seoul. Took about 2.5 hours. We got inshortly before 10:30pm, and headed to Sinchon to find a hotel I’d beenrecommended. I’d been told that roomswith 2 beds or four sleeping mats went for about $40/night. When we got there, however, I learned thatrooms were $70/night and only came with one bed. No good.

By now it’s around 11:15pm, and we have no place tosleep. No need to worry, though, I’vebeen assured that Seoul is a 24-hour city with tons and tons of places tostay. So we go to the five hotelsnearby. All full. We call a hostel. All full. We call another hostel. Allfull. Apparently other people had thebrilliant idea to go to Seoul for the 3-day weekend. But the other people had a second brilliantidea to book ahead. Shit.

Luckily, Doug knew about a hostel in Itaewon where he’dstayed the last time he visited Seoul (before our EPIK contract started). We called, and thankfully they had room. What they did not have, however, was room onSaturday. They could take us Friday andSunday, but we’d have to stay elsewhere Sunday. The owner generously offered us to keep our stuff there Saturday,though, and advised us to sleep in a Jimjilbang (sauna/bathhouse open 24/7,people often sleep on mats) down the road. Good enough.

First night out in Itaewon was pretty crazy. It’s really close to a US Army base, so Iheard much more English than I did Korean. I suppose I’ll just list the crazy things I saw in numeric order. 1) Black people! So many black people. I’d only seen one in my entire time inBusan. Saw at least 40 that night alonein Itaewon. I’m guessing many/all wereUS Army. 2) An old woman and old manfighting over a can to recycle. 3) Areal-life pimp wearing a purple cape and purple fedora. 4) Hookers (apparently a place called “HookerHill” is nearby). 5) Transvestites;Seoul is the only city where it’s socially acceptable. 6) GI’s acting like jackasses. Thanks for helping our reputation abroad,chaps.

After a nice sleep in the IS@K Guest House (which I’drecommend to anyone visiting Seoul), we headed out to adventure. The first place we went was to see was theGyeongbukgung Palace. It dates back tothe Joseon Dynasty. Absolutely incredible. The grounds are so vast, I just couldn’t getover it given how densely populated the city of Seoul is. From the palace grounds, you’d look to thehorizon and see mountains, skyscrapers, or both. Pretty cool visuals. Photos coming soon.

Next we went to Insadong, which is a traditionalmarket. I didn’t think it was quite ascool as advertised, though, so we didn’t stay all that long. Not before getting lunch, though, which wasdelicious.

Afterward we met up with Nick, who dropped off his stuff atthe hostel and we proceeded to Namsan Mountain. The mountain is home to the Namsan Tower, which supposedly has abreathtaking view of Seoul from the top. I say supposedly because the wait to get up was two and half hours,which was longer than we were willing to wait. I’ll probably read this sentence in 20 years and kick myself. But the view from the mountain was prettysweet nonetheless.

After some dinner we met up with people from EPIK class 2 inHongdae. That was pretty fun. I especially enjoyed sealing my friend Konradfrom New Zealand. Wish that guy taughtin Busan.

Around 3am we headed back to Itaewon. We got in a cab, with Nick in the front, Dougin the back left, me in the middle, and Max on the right. I don’t remember doing this, but apparentlyDoug fell asleep on me, I fell asleep on Max, and Max remained awake, hatinglife.

Once we got to Itaewon, we tried to check into theJimjilbang. Then we got a bombshelldropped on us: they were all sold out. So we slept in a PC Bang, a room full of computers where people go to playcomputer games. It reminded me ofsleeping in a Manga café in Japan, which I did on Semester at Sea (http://maxsworldadventures.blogspot.com/2010/02/days-22-27-japan.html,days 2 and 3). Also, the people in thesePC Bang were undoubtedly addicted to video games. They sat, motionless except for theirfingers, staring at a screen for hours. People have died in these places, and I can see why.

After four hours of drifting in-and-out of sleep in ourrecliners, we headed up to the roof of the IS@K Guest house for a change ofscenery. The rooftop has a prettyimpressive view of the city, and we just soaked that up for a while as we gotour bearings. After a leisurelybreakfast, we headed to Dongdaemun market. It’s one of the largest markets in Korea, and had just about everything;food, clothes, hats, books, toys, wigs, etc. I bought a visor that had a face, ears, and what appears to be a rapewhistle. It cost about a dollar. Solid purchase.

After exploring the market for a bit, we walked around ChongGye Chon, a man-made stream in the middle of Seoul. I had expected it to be pretty lame, but itwas actually quite nice. A peacefulescape from the hubbub of the city. Andit didn’t look nearly as tacky as I’d expected. Pleasant way to spend an afternoon.

Due to our limited sleep, four hours of exploring took quitea bit out of us. Also, we had to make adinner date with some girls from Seoul we’d met in Busan over Chuseok. So around 3pm we headed back to the guesthouse to clean up and get some caffeine in our systems. Max decided to skip the dinner and go back toBusan, as he was exhausted. So, aftershowering and shaving, Nick, Doug and I went to dinner to meet the girls.

Dinner was superb. Wewent to a Greek place that was exquisite. I got a mixed plate of chicken and pork to make gyros. The meat was to tender and flavorful; one ofthe best meals I’ve had in Korea. Thefemale company was also nice, as the girls have a great sense of humor andspeak perfect English. It’s a shame theylive in Seoul and not Busan.

After dinner, Doug, Nick and I went back to the guest houseand drank some beers on the roof. Noneof us had the energy to do anything more ambitious. We were all in bed by 10pm, and slept untilaround 9am the following morning.

And that concludes our weekend in Seoul. We took a train back to Busan Mondaymorning. It was fun to take the KTXduring the day; we got to see a lot of the country side. It’s incredibly how densely populated andconstructed the country is.

Before I sign off, I’d be remiss to the mention going to theLotte Giants game last night (Thursday). The games are just so much goddamn fun. $10 for a ticket in the rowdy section. Bring in your own beer and food. Dance and cheer and yell the entire night. I’ve never been to a sporting event with abetter atmosphere.

First Month in Busan -- Some Thoughts (stream of consciousness)

2011-09-23T17:52:00.000-07:00

Friends, Enemies, and Parents,

I write to you at the end of a work week, 40 minutes before the final bell sounds and I have two days of sweet, sweet freedom. Not to say I don't like my job. I love it. I'm having a blast teaching; it's impossible not to feed off the energy of cute foreign kids who are eager to learn. And walking through the halls is surreal. I'm like a celebrity. The kids run up to me, yell "Hi!!" and rub my hairy arms. Kids are really respectful and attentive in class, too, which is quite nice. But the weekends are awesome because I can explore, enjoy a few beers, and, best of all, sleep in.

Outside of school, one of the first things I've been pleasantly surprised by from life in Korea is that I'm finding the women here very attractive (yes, of course I went there first). It is indeed a pleasant surprise, because never in my past have I caught yellow fever. But portion control and exercise is very important here, so pretty much all the women are fit. the only variable, then, becomes the face, and Koreans have such great skin that their faces are usually very attractive. And man, oh man, do they show off legs. Zero cleavage, but shorts and skirts that are shorter than their pockets.

Sadly, foreign teachers I've met aren't that great looking (which is why you won't find this post linked on facebook). It means I'm probably going ot chase Korean girls, but that's a dangerous game because they're not known to "mingle too freely. So I'm waiting to meet a girl who blows me away, and then make her my girlfriend.

The main thing I've been doing in free time, even more than looking for an exotic girlfriend, is Tae Kwon Do. There is a studio half a block from my apartment, and I take classes Monday through Thursday for an hour and a half. It's a crazy good workout, and once the year is up I should be at least competent in self-defense. As it stands, all I really know is the fetal position.

On the weekends I usually go out Friday and Saturday nights (often to the beach, because fireworks and drinking are both legal), and then Saturday day and Sunda day I'll go explore somewhere. There are some pretty crazy fish markets, tons of temples, and lots of good hiking to do once the weather cools down a bit. I also like to go to sporting events here; the Lotte Giants baseball team is insanely popular and the stadium is rocking. Plus, tickets are only $8 and you can bring in your own beer.

I'll probably start dedicating some free time to music soon, as I was given a 6-string ukulele by another foreign teacher. It had been left in his apartment. I'm a bit confused by it, though, because apparently there are alto and tenor 6-string ukuleles, and I'm too ignorant to tell the difference. I'm working with the music teacher here to try to figure it out. I can't wait to wrap my head around it, because the instrument has a beautiful sound.

The food here is AWESOME. And incredibly cheap. Stuff your face Korean BBQ places cost about $10. Traditional Korean food, also delicious, ranges from $3 to $6. The foreign options are good too; a solid burger and fries runs for about $10, as does a personal pizza. Big sushi rolls cost about $5. And, best of all, there is a place by my apartment which sells a waffle wrapped around four scoops of ice cream for 97 cents. I get those waffles all the time. If it weren't for Tae Kwon Do I'd be pretty fat by now.

I think that just about covers it. And with enough time to watch an episode of the Daily Show before I leave. Mr. Stewart beckons, hasta luego.

New Photos and Videos!

2011-09-20T21:28:00.001-07:00

Hi friends!

I finally got internet in my apartment! Total game changer. I've uploaded all the videos that I've taken and about half of the photos. Will try to get the rest of the photos up this evening. Check em out if you're so inclined.

Videos: youtube.com/MaxDaAmateurMusician

Photos: profile.imageshack.us/user/maxrattner (chosen because it does not have a monthly limit on photos and photos can be up to 5 MB. Sadly, the interface is crap. I can make albums but they don't appear to be accessible to public viewers. So use the tags in the upper right-hand corner, that will get you to photos from specific places).

Week in Review

2011-09-07T18:54:00.000-07:00

Oy. I’m sorry I haven’t written lately. I know how many of you spend all of your time sitting at your computer clicking the refresh button every 5 seconds in hopes of reading my latest blog entry the instant it’s posted. For those loyal, page-refreshing fans: I’m sorry. I know that you must be thirsty, hungry, and, inevitably, covered in your own excrement. Probably wasn’t worth it. So go clean yourself up, Jeremy.

Jeremy’s poop aside, it’s been a fun and busy week. I started teaching last Monday, which has been a blast. School has been stressful, though, because I have to plan an entire semester’s worth of material for three after school classes by tomorrow. Luckily, I can use the same material for two classes: fourth grade and fifth grade (the goal of the classes is to improve speaking ability, not to teach grammar, so I’m using the same stories, songs, and movies to just try to get the fourth grade class and the fifth grade class talking). The third class, on the other hand, is an English class for teachers, so that lesson plan has taken a lot of thought. It’s tough to think of material which is easy enough for a limited speaker to comprehend but, at the same time, isn’t patronizing. But enough of me wining, let’s get to the good stuff. (Editor’s note: I really just wanted to give Jeremy an explanation as to why I’ve made stew in his own bile for a week). As I’m still busy, I’m going to keep the stories short.

Thursday

Went to school but did very little. Returned home and watched Korean TV.

Friday

Again went to school but didn’t teach. Went out in the evening. Started badly on the girl front. The first Korean I tried to strike up a conversation with said “English very, very, very, very no.”

Later, at a bar with other Max and Nick, Max somehow got himself down at a table with four pretty attractive Korean women. More impressively, he did this while Nick and I were striking out with two gorgeous Korean women at another table. We ended up staying out with them until 3:30am, in the process of which we went to another bar and a karaoke bar. Fun night.

Saturday

Slept until 12:30. Met up with Nick and Max by 2:00. Went to Haeundae Beach (roughly 25 minutes by subway) to walk around. It’s cleaner and more scenic (at least in terms of landscape) than Gwangalli. That said, Gwangalli has a really novel “city meets the beach” feel—skyscrapers come right up to the shore and the impressive Gwangan Bridge stretches across the water—which I think makes it a lot cooler that Haeundae, but I digress. At Haeundae there were lots of foreigners, but nearly 100% of them were huge bros. That was disheartening. I think my favorite part of the visit to Haeundae was watching this Korean woman just spoil this living shit out of her poodles. After she took it off the beach, she put eye drops in its eyes, and then proceeded to wash its entire body in a water fountain, including its butthole. I thought that was funny and weird, especially since they eat dog in Korea.

After hanging around Haeundae for a while, we went to Gwangalli to walk around and get dinner. The weather was absolutely fantastic, so we decided to try to find a place with outdoor seating. It took a while to find a place with a patio and reasonable prices, but we ended up getting a primo table at a Thursday Party restaurant, which is a restaurant and bar company targeting foreigners. I got a chicken breast sandwich with bacon, which was pretty bomb. Also, the waitress took our order in English and gave us forks, which, even though we didn’t use them, I suppose was nice.

The only unfortunate part of the evening was when some toothless crazy Korean man tried to join our table. Before we’d received our food, he came up and said “Hi, can I sit here?” in very broken English. Luckily, Nick was quick on his feet and told him that we had a friend coming. I suppose the man didn’t buy it, though, because he proceeded to yell at us in broken English. The only thing I could make out was “stupid!”

Aside from that mishap, dinner was great. The food was solid, but it was the atmosphere that really made the meal. The weather was perfect. The streets were packed with interesting people to people watch. Most importantly, the area was sparkling with vibrant lights. The star was undoubtedly the Gwangan Bridge, as multicolored lights covered the roads and arches, and they were constantly changing colors. But all the buildings by the water, too, lit up to compliment the majestic bridge.

Now I don’t know what happens at Gwangalli on a typical Saturday night, but as far as I know this past Saturday wasn’t a holiday or anything. So imagine our surprise when, after dinner, we were treated to a fireworks show over the Gwangan Bridge and two different concerts, both on the beach (before you get too jealous, one was a god-awful Christian Rock band singing in Korean. But the other was a smorgasbord of instrumentals and was pretty neat-o). We didn’t stay out too late, though, because we were wiped from Friday.

Aaaaaaand I’m getting long-winded again, back to short form.

Sunday

Went to Jagalchi fish market with Nick and Max. Place is crazy. Packed with vendors, smells awful, fishes of all shapes and sizes everywhere (and being killed everywhere). We got a sashimi lunch, which was pretty darn tasty but more expensive than I’d anticipated.

Other than cleaning my apartment and doing laundry, the only thing on my agenda was to meet another EPIK teacher to pick up a ukulele. It had been left behind in his apartment and he didn’t want it, so he put it up for grabs. Sadly, he missed my last facebook message and didn’t bring it to our meeting. The silver lining was that he was going to play ultimate Frisbee, and since I didn’t want to waste the trip I decided to join. It was pretty fun; a really cool collection of foreigners were playing. And only one bro!

Monday

First day teaching, but only had one class. Just presented a self-introduction PPT. On the way home realized that my Sperrys don’t match. The body of each shoe is the same color, but the flaps which have the holes for the laces are slightly different hues. My suspicion is that I accidentally swapped a shoe with my dad. So check your Sperrys, Pops. We may be burdened with the same shoe affliction. If so, I blame you.

Tuesday

Taught four classes. Definitely picking up on teaching. Received lots of compliments from co-teacher about my “rapid improvement” and lots of swoons from students.

Took a huge dump and clogged the toilet, had to find the 70 year old janitor to plunge it through (they don’t have plungers in the stalls).

Joined a Tae Kwon Do gym by my house. Have class Monday through Thursday with only four other students. For around $80 per month ($5 per class), it’s a steal! They are all Korean, barely speak English, and are all awesome (both personality-wise and in terms of Tae Kwon Do skill).

Wednesday

First class with 3^rd graders today! They’re the cutest things ever.

Tae Kwon Do in the evening. Currently sore.

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And that’s all I have to say about that. Catch ya on the flip. Sorry about all the poop imagery.

Exploring the City

2011-08-31T07:21:00.000-07:00

So I had the last two days off from school, as the semester doesn’t start until tomorrow (September 1^st). As I’m new to the city, I took the opportunity to explore the area.

Yesterday, I wandered through Pukyong University, which is right by my house, and continued on to Gwangalli Beach. Pukyong’s campus is fairly dull, though some of the architecture is quite modern and cool. There is also a really nice garden type area with a running stream (not sure where it goes) and lots of plant life. There is a sitting area that is best described (Editor’s Note: by me, not someone who is actually good at describing things) as a Korean gazebo. It’s just like an American gazebo, though the pillars are engraved with Buddhist designs and the roof is the classic “upward half circle, downward half circle” (I believe that’s the technical term) Asian roofing pattern. I decided that I’m going to learn ukulele in that garden, as I recently claimed one that had been left behind by a previous EPIK teacher.

From the garden I went to check out the campus gym, as I was thinking of joining one. Unfortunately, Pukyong’s gym is crap. It’s probably no more than 500 sq feet, and filling sweating, grunting students. No thanks. But nearby is a small, enclosed Astroturf soccer field that’s open to the public. Perfect size for some 4 v 4. Hopefully I’ll be able to organize some games there; it’s too close to not take advantage of.

From Pukyong I walked to Gwangalli beach, which took 20 minutes or so. The walk was nice, and the beach is stunning. From the shore you’ve got an incredible view of the Gwangan Daegyo Bridge and downtown Busan. I think I’ll be spending a lot of time there, too, especially because drinking is legal and, according to wikitravel, “fireworks are tolerated.” Schwing!

Once Max was off work, he and I shopped at MegaMart, which is a superstore chain in Korea. And they’ve got everything. Think Costco, but not as cheap and with more reasonable portions. I got a bunch of frozen stuff, all of which has proven to be delicious.

Today, I started by checking out Kyungsung University, mainly to see the gym. The gym is absolutely gorgeous, but pricey. I’m still debating joining, as it would cost around $41/month and I’d be limited to a 3 hour window (6-9pm) that I could come each day. If I decide to join a gym this will likely be the one I go with, but there is a Tae Kwon Do studio right by apartment that I may join instead. That would probably be more fun, too, so I just gotta check the studio and prices.

After seeing meandering through Kyungsung, I decided to take a practice run to school. When I went in on Monday, my co Teacher Su Jong met me and we took the bus together. However, that was to be in by 10am. If I’m gunning for 8:40, it will be rush hour. And the bus will take over an hour. So I’ll need to take the subway and then transfer to a bus.

Su Jong had given me directions of what to do, but since I lack foresight I neglected to bring them. So once I got off at my subway stop, I was lost looking for my bus stop. It took over an hour and help from three very nice people (only the last person, a kind old man who spoke pretty good English and who approached me because I looked lost, ultimately got me where I needed to be) to find the bus stop. So thank goodness I decided to practice.

But the best moment of the day undoubtedly occurred as I was walking back into the subway station to return home. As I was descending down the crowded staircase, I made eye contact with a Korean guy, who smiled. I smiled back. As we passed, he put his fist out. I bumped it. Turns out he was just checking his watch. Awkward stares ensued.

Now, in my defense, I’ve never seen a person reach across as far as he did to check the time. I just thought he was being friendly and hip to the scene of American first bumping protocol (as I am). But I predict this defense would fall upon deaf ears, and the jury would convict me of being an ugly stupidbrain.

First Weekend in Busan

2011-08-28T02:05:00.000-07:00

Hey Gang! Sorry I haven’t written in a while. Orientation was pretty boring with classes from 9am to 8:30pm. Didn’t think you’d care to hear me complain about dry lectures and mediocre food. The lone noteworthy point was that I fell in love with my orientation class teacher named Yuna. But, alas, she lives in Seoul and has a boyfriend. Phooey.

On Friday morning I left Jeonju for Busan at 6:30am. After about a 3 hour bus ride, we arrived at an elementary school to meet our co-teachers. I was picked up by He Jin, my co-teacher, and Su Jong, the school’s EPIK coordinator. They are both incredibly nice and I’m so lucky to be spending the year working with them. Though I will not be teaching with Su Jong, she’ll be helping me with living in Korea. Tomorrow, for example, she’ll be meeting me to take the bus to school and taking me to the immigration office in the afternoon to get my Alien Registration Card (ARC). I need that badboy to get internet and a phone (if I go for a plan instead of prepaid).

Once we collected my luggage, He Jin, Su Jong and I went to our school to meet the principal, vice principal, and go over my contract. The principal and vice principal are both very nice, though only the vice principal speaks English. They each told me that I was very handsome though, which was greatly appreciated. I responded each time by saying “Thanks! I love Korea, because I’m not handsome in America.”

After meet-and-greets and going over the contract, I went out to lunch with my co-teachers. It was a buffet, and while I was up for a refill Su Jong paid the bill! It was exceptionally nice, but I was bit bummed because that was my secret plan to win their good graces. I suppose now I’ll have to put in the effort and just be likable, but that’s so 1997 (Editor’s Note: I don’t know why I picked that particular year. Also, pretty crappy joke).

After lunch, I was shuttled to my apartment in Nambu. I’m not going to bore you with a poorly-written description of the place, so I’ll just let the video I made do the talking for me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttRRPhcb9wE.

There are three reasons I absolutely love my location. First, I am only a five minute walk to other Max’s apartment, and Nick is a 10 minute subway ride away. Second, we are about 20 minutes by foot from Gwangalli beach, which is supposedly one of the nicest in Busan. And third, we are right by two Universities – Pukyong National University and Kyungsung University. This means the nightlife is poppin’ (as the cool kids say), there are plenty of young people around, and, most importantly, they all speak some English! Really excellent.

Anyway, back to my day, because lots of people (read: my parents) want to read about all of the interesting things I do. Once I got into my apartment I immediately (and very interestingly) napped for a couple hours. After I awoke from my slumber, I whipped out the ol’ computadora and learned that my neighbor has wifi with no password. Cha-Ching! So I got on the facebook, chatted up Nick and Maxwell, and we met up for dinner (at the highly authentic Popeyes Chicken) and drinks.

Unwittingly, the first place we wandered into was upscale and expensive. So upscale, in fact, that no one was in it except three beautiful bartenders. After they got us our drinks (the cheapest beer was about $5, which is pricey by Korean standards) they sat down in front of us and stared at us intently. Not awkwardly, they just seemed fascinated by us. They proceeded to ask us, in broken English, several questions about ourselves and America. One bartender in particular struck my fancy, as she had a gorgeous face and really endearing mannerisms. But when I asked her “Nam ga chin goo issae yo?” (translation: do you have a boyfriend?) she sadly said yes. (Editor’s Note: the “sadly” in the previous sentence refers to my sadness. She said “yes” quite happily). Phooey again.

Nothing noteworthy really happened again until the following afternoon, when Max and I tried to get to Eulsukdo, a small island that’s part of the city of Busan, to play soccer. There had been facebook posts about a foreigners league, and we wanted to check it out. Max had been in touch with one of the team managers, who gave him directions to the field. Or so we thought.

We had been told to get off at Hadan, but there were several stops with Hadan in the name. We ended up getting off at the Hadan Hospital stop, and then tried to get directions to Eulsukdo. Unfortunately, the people in Hadan do not speak English nearly as well as those on Nambu. When we explained where we were going, most people only understood the soccer part, and ended up directing us to a soccer field at an elementary school. Luckily, we saw a white person there, who was able to direct us toward where we wanted to go. Unfortunately, it was probably about a mile from where we were.

Following his directions, we were able to find Eulsukdo. On the island, however, we didn’t know how to get to the fields. We were misdirected twice before we finally found the pitch. By this point, we had probably walked for 2.5 miles.

When we finally arrived, two teams were in the middle of playing. As we’d read on facebook, there are three teams in Busan. Busan United was presumably the top team, winning the league for 6 years straight. The team Max had been talking to won its first game 3 months ago. The third team, Inter Busan, didn’t recruit on the facebook page.

After talking to a sub, we learned that Busan United and Inter Busan were the teams playing when we arrived. Unfortunately, we couldn’t talk to the captain of the team Max had been talking to because he was refereeing. Once the game was over, we introduced ourselves and he gave us a spot on this rag-tag team. And when I say rag-tag, I mean really rag tag. The goalie and left mid didn’t speak any English, though they weren’t Korean. I think they were Eastern European, but that wouldn’t make much sense because one of them was black. For the life of us, Max and I couldn’t figure out what the hell they were doing in Korea. There were also three Korean players who didn’t speak any English, one of whom had great ball skills but absolutely no idea how to play the game. And there was one obese guy who could barely move, let alone run, and for whatever reason he was playing midfield. Though I hadn’t played in over 9 years and told the captain as much, he stuck me at center back along with Max.

We played two games, one for a half hour and the other for 20 minutes. Somehow, we only gave up one goal. Most of the credit goes to our keeper and poor shooting, because our mids never came back to help. Both games were spent almost entirely in our end, usually 6 or 7 attackers against 3 or 4 defenders. I played ok; had a few nice plays and a few blunders. I don’t think I’ll continue playing, though, as the team is abysmal and only a couple players on the team made me feel welcome to be there.

Once we were back (which took over an hour as we had to wait 30+ minutes for our bus) Max and I showered and got some grub. We then met up with Nick, who met a foreigner named Chazz while coming to us via subway. Chazz was a teacher in JET, and he seemed pretty cool. He had just taken a tour of North Korea, so that obviously piqued our interest.

Once at the bar, though, the group opinion of Chazz immediately began to sour. He hit on literally every girl he saw. And when the occasional girl gave him the time of day, HE SHOWED THEM HIS PICTURES OF NORTH KOREA. And these weren’t pictures of poverty or anything. These were photos standing with North Korea guards. Literally every girl he showed was offended, but he kept doing it anyway. It sucked.

Luckily, a very friendly guy named Oh Kiu Guy began talking to Nick and me in English. He was really nice, spoke English well, and bought us a round of beer. Turns out he is the manager of the ship manufacturing company, so Nick and I guessed he is pretty well off. At the end of the evening he gave us his number, telling us to call him so he could take us out with his friends. Once we get phones we will definitely be calling him.

Well that’s all for now. I’d apologize for rambling, but I’m guessing no one will actually read this far. Toodaloo.

Adventures in Korea!

2011-08-18T22:37:00.000-07:00

Oh hey friends! Long time no talk, at least via the blog. How I’ve longed for warmth of your watchful gaze upon my supple text. But enough small talk, I’ve got a story to tell.

I flew to Seoul from SFO via Singapore Air. All I can say that is WOWZA. The service was absolutely fantastic. The food was delicious. The drinks were plentiful and, even sweeter, free. The famous “Singapore Girls” lived up to expectations; they were gorgeous. The male flight attendants were pretty dashing, too. All around a simply lovely experience.

I did, however, have my worst foot-in-mouth moment of my life. I’m talking a monumental, gargantuan, foot of a giant infested with athlete’s foot. Straight in my mouth. And the giant had a toe fetish.

It occurred when I was probably 6 drinks in, and feeling a pretty healthy buzz. I was feeling antsy as I’d been sitting for 4+ hours, so I went to the back of the plane to stretch. Across the way, I see a guy with the same idea as me. He looked strikingly like a young Harry Potter. He struck up a conversation, and it turns out that we’re both EPIK teachers. After shooting the poop for 20 or so minutes, he says to me “We’ve been talking for 20 minutes now, I’m Ashley by the way.” His name threw me a bit, so I responded by saying “Hey, I’m Max. Nice to meet you. I think you’re the first guy I’ve ever met named Ashley.” Ashley looked at me stunned. He said “Are you serious? I’m a girl.” Yikes.

Thankfully, Ashley couldn’t have been classier about it. She laughed it off, saying it was a new haircut that she knew looked boyish. We talked for another 15 minutes or so, but the entire time I was mortified. I said goodbye and I haven’t seen her since.

I’m fairly certain that I would not have made this egregious error had I been sober. But, being tipsy, I just never questioned the initial judgment I’d made when seeing Ashley from 20 feet away. Curse my nearsightedness (and my drunken stupidity).

After the flight, I had to take a 4 hour bus ride to Jeonju University, where we’re having EPIK orientation for a week. We didn’t get to our rooms until midnight, and then had to be up for a medical exam at 7:40 the following morning. Since we were having our blood tested, we weren’t allowed to eat or drink. So I went to bed famished and thirsty. But at least the internet’s fast!

Final Reflections

2010-08-30T22:01:00.000-07:00

I’m writing this final reflection on Monday, August 30, two days before my senior year officially begins. So I’ve had an entire summer to process my Semester at Sea experience, for whatever that’s worth. Suppose I’ll get right to it.

I’ll start by saying that I didn’t have any single life-changing moment. I don’t think many people did. I’m not sure if I expected I’d have one, but I think part of me wanted to. It certainly would have been nice to have had some “aha!” revelation and discover something awesome about myself and, in turn, the key to happiness. But, alas, I had no such moment and made no such discovery. I did take away some pretty cool things, though, and, if I may, dear readers, I’ll take the opportunity to expand upon them here.

The most noticeable change is my newfound love of travel. The metaphorical travel bug has metaphorically bit me. On my metaphorical heart. Traveling is probably my new favorite thing to do. If it weren’t so outrageously expensive, I’d do it all the time.

In terms of changes to the way I think, I suppose that my incredible privilege has been somewhat put into perspective. I’ve witnessed, first hand, the horrendous living conditions of abject poverty. Billions of people suffer through these conditions, living with an entire family in a one-room hut without plumbing or electricity. It’s insane to think about, and, honestly, impossible for me to comprehend. I can try to imagine it, but I simply cannot grasp the real sense without living it.

Now, you’re probably wondering, how has your expanded (yet still thoroughly limited) perspective changed the way you think and live on a day-to-day basis? In short, it’s taught me to better appreciate the things I have, which in turn makes me happier.

Unfortunately, this has only happened to a degree. Before the voyage, I imagined that, after Semester at Sea, my life would be problem free. Anytime I had a problem, I’d just think how lucky I am to not be living in Chennai, India, where the streets are dirty and life is cheap. And, quite honestly, that is what I should do. But I’d be lying if I told you that it is what I do

In terms of my sense of self, I’m significantly more confident since returning from the voyage. I think the change can be attributed to a host of factors. Socially, I was very popular on the ship, more popular than I’d ever been in my life. As I mentioned before, and I honestly don’t mean to sound cocky when I say this (Editor’s Note: though I probably sound cocky, anyhow), I had a sort of quasi-celebrity status on the ship. Not that people looked up to me or gossiped about me or anything like that. But I had my creativity complimented almost daily, which certainly made me feel good about myself. Plus things went well with girls, which was huge for that aspect of my confidence, particularly after the all the difficulty I’d had after a bad breakup with my ex-girlfriend Ali.

Speaking of confidence in my creative abilities, I have spent significant time pursuing creative endeavors since returning. I’m learning piano; I can currently play all of “Let it Be,” and parts of “If I Had Eyes” (by Jack Johnson) and “How to Pick up a Latin Chick” (by Tolan and Max). I’m learning two types of dance this coming semester; African Dance and Hip-Hop. Tolan and I are going to perform at open mics throughout this year, we’ll see if anything comes of it. And I keep saying I’ll stick with drawing and painting, though thus far it’s been all lies.

I think that pretty much covers the ways I’ve changed. I talked it over with Nick, and he said he didn’t notice anything else. So, I’ll close with advice for future Semester at Sea Adventure-ers, which I’m mainly noting should my children/little sister want to sail. And, because it’s easier and I’ve already written a ton on this blog/journal, I’m doing it in bullet points.

Travel independently in port. Semester at Sea trips are much worse, in comparison. You have no control over who comes or over the itinerary. Plus, nearly every trip can be purchased independently, for less, through a travel agency. But do read through the SAS trips, as you might come across a gem set up by a professor, like I did with Arte Consciente.
Keep some days unplanned. Look up a cool spot in a port city and go there. Then just see where the day takes you. You’ll meet some fun and interesting people, which is the most fun part of traveling.
Sporting equipment is one of the best gifts you can give underprivileged children. Food, candy, stickers, none of that lasts. But if you get them a soccer ball, they can use it for years. And you’ll get to play with them, plus you’ll score some sweet pictures afterward.
When you’re in port, put yourself out there! Almost everyone I talked to was friendly; people really like to meet Americans. But it’s rare that you’ll get approached, so it’s on you to start the conversation.
Don’t bother with the in-port SAS parties. On a typical night out, word will spread where people are going, and everyone will go to that bar. 20 years after you sail, will you have wanted to experience an authentic night out in Vietnam, or to have gotten drunk with a bunch of American college kids?
Take advantage of that social reset button. Nobody on that ship knows you, so be whoever the hell you’d like to be. You’re going to be living in close quarters with your shipmates for three and a half months, and then you’re not going to see most of them again. So go wild. In fact, two kids on my voyage went by different names, just for fun.
Bring packaged snacks, cereal, and your favorite spreads. The food on the ship gets really boring really fast. Nutella was a favorite, though I’d also recommend bringing your favorite salsa.
Get to know the lifelong learners. If a 70 year old wants to sail around the world with a bunch of college students, chances are he or she is the man or woman. So make them your friends, they’re wise. (Editor’s Note: Caution: Lifelong Learners may be boring).
Bring Pepto Bismol. A lot of people got Traveler’s D.
If there’s a soccer game when you’re in Brazil, go.

Day 108 – Disembarkation

2010-08-30T14:26:00.001-07:00

I woke around 5 am. Tolan and Jake were still playing, but Derek had fallen asleep. So I yoinked his drum and played in my final drum circle aboard the MV Explorer.

The sun started to rise about a half hour after I woke up. It was a pretty decent sunrise, but the sky was cloudy. It would have been brilliant if it weren’t for those damn clouds.

Once I watched the sun rise I went back to my room to finish packing. It took about two hours, but I got everything packed and delicates were safely padded.

After I packed I went over to see Michael and Marcus. I brought my hard drive and got all the media I needed, meaning I’d gotten all the photos, movies, and signatures I wanted! YESSS!!

Since we had a bit more time before disembarkation, I decided to hang with those two for a while. They are a couple of very funny, good-natured guys. I miss them like woah.

After a little while, Derek came in teary-eyed. Suddenly, the sadness of leaving, which I’d been blocking out for the last week, hit me all at once. I held back the tears, but I sure gave Derek a bear hug. Michael and Marcus soon joined in, allowing the four of us to get our bromance on.

Shortly after our beautiful hug came to a close, seas started to be called for disembarkation. So I got my stuff together and went to the top deck, hoping to say goodbye to as many people as possible. Though I didn’t see everyone I wanted to, I did see the vast majority of my closest friends. Twas a bittersweet time indeed, particularly saying bye to Amy and Tolan.

When the Baltic Sea was called, I gathered my things and left the MV Explorer for the final time (Editor’s Note: OK, fine, I’ll probably be back onboard sometime for an Alumni Voyage, but leave me alone, I’m trying to be dramatic). As I walked off the ship, Dean Laurence shook my hand and told me “You’ll have a good life.” I hope he’s right.

Day 107 – Convocation

2010-08-30T13:55:00.000-07:00

I had an early wake up for Convocation. I went to the Union, but, upon seeing the program, I decided to skip it. It was just a bunch of speeches; graduating seniors did not even walk. I really only wanted to see James, who was the first in his family to graduate college. Congrats, buddy, I’m still proud as hell of you.

So instead of sitting through convocation in the Union, I watched it on TV while I packed. Once it ended, I went back to my lists, still needing signatures and media. It took all day, but I ended up getting everything I needed except some media from Michael and Marcus.

Since it was my last night on the MV Explorer, I decided to pull an all-nighter. Around midnight, there was a dance party outside on deck 8, the front of the ship. Once we got tired of moving around, we just sat around and hung out. I mostly kicked it with Nate, Amy, and Derek.

We eventually got kicked off deck 8 (I’m unsure why), so we moved to deck 7, the back of the ship. Tolan and Jake showed up, which was sweet. Since it was 3 am and seemed appropriate at the time, we decided to have a drum circle. I’d already packed away my drum, so I just listen to Tolan, Jake, and Derek play together. It was probably better that way, anyhow, as they’re all brilliant musicians and sounded great playing just the three of them. I would have muddled up the sound.

But as they were playing, my gas tank finally hit empty and I fell asleep on deck.

Day 106 – Packing Day

2010-08-30T13:40:00.000-07:00

With classes and exams over, today there was nothing planned on the ship. Instead we were given the day to pack.

Now I made it my goal to swap signatures with friends and get media (read: pictures and videos) from people with whom I’d traveled. I made up a list of each (people I need to sign my memory book and people from whom I needed media) and spent the day attacking those lists.

But by 11 at night, though I’d made great headway on both my lists, I hadn’t even started packing. So I packed for a couple hours before going to bed.

Day 105 – Alumni Ball

2010-08-30T13:31:00.000-07:00

I had work at the Buy Back from 8am to noon. Waking up for that was hard. Also, there were no consequences for students who skipped out on work, which was frustrating. But I mostly just played Euchre with Susie and others working there, so it wasn’t really a big deal.

I was starving after work, and my notes say that I had a delicious lunch. So that must have been enjoyable.

After lunch I got started on a memory book. I’d have my friends write down their contact information, as well as their favorite memories from the trip. I spent a couple hours walking around the ship, finding people to start filling it up.

After getting a solid start on my memory book, I had to go to an afternoon meeting with Cynthia. I had no idea what to expect when I walked in, but it turned out to be good news; the administration was letting us—Nick, Connor, and I—attend the Alumni Ball. But we could not have any alcohol at the event, nor could we attend the dance.

While I appreciated being able to attend the dinner, the meeting sucked. Cynthia just acted so benevolent and gracious the entire time, it was as if she wanted me to kiss her ring. Then, once the Alumni Ball had been discussed, I had to listen to her complain about how reasonable she is and how unfair it is that people on the ship don’t like her. That went on for nearly half an hour.

After the meeting, I went to Dean Laurence’s office to ask if I could attend the dance. Though she didn’t say so, Amy was really bummed that I couldn’t go. And while I didn’t care that much either way, I wanted to go to make her happy. Unfortunately, Laurence was not in his office, so I sent him an email.

When I got back to my room, I had a note from Lauren, the Assistant Dean of Students. It asked to see her immediately, so I bolted to her office. When I learned the reason of the meeting, I honestly laughed, out loud, at the pettiness of the administration. The meeting was called to make sure that I would not get a glass of free champagne when entering the Alumni Ball. Now I know Lauren is too nice and reasonable to care about such a thing, so I’m sure the order came straight from Cynthia. She was just too busy being benevolent to tell me herself.

After the meeting I got dressed for the Alumni Ball. I wore the suit I’d brought, plus a white dress hat I’d gotten in South Africa. You guessed it, dear readers, I looked dashing.

The dinner was delicious. I ate with Greg, and our neighbors Blake, Alan, and Mark. Nick was supposed to come as well, but he was feeling under the weather. The first course was a frittata, which was tasty. But the best part, easily, the main course of filet mignon. It was so tender and delicious.

Better than the dinner, though, was the company. Not just at my table, but all over. Everyone was dressed up all fancy-like, and all in one place. I got a ton of great photos, many of which made it into a collage I just put together.

I went back to my room after dinner and, unfortunately, had no email from Dean Laurence. That was OK, though, because the Sharks game was on. Instead of going to the dance, Nick was using his extra internet minutes to stream audio from the Sharks game.

It was a blast to listen to Dan Rusanowsky call the playoff game. Unfortunately, though the Sharks scored right after we turned on the game, they were down 3-2 after two periods of play. And we couldn’t get audio for the third period, because streaming the first two periods used all of Nick’s remaining data.

So Nick and I just sat around refreshing the New York Times online sports page, hoping for news. It was really tedious, since we couldn’t find a scoreboard. But suddenly, after one lucky click of the refresh button, an article popped up saying the Sharks had come back to win 4-3. WOOHOOO!!!

As Nick and I were whooping it up over the comeback win, Amy came by. She said the dance sucked, so she just wanted to hang out. Jenna came by a short while later, and the four of us just hung around talking before going to bed. It was the most low-key double date ever.

Day 104 – Comedy Night

2010-08-29T21:29:00.001-07:00

I started work today, working from 8am to noon. Susie White, Dean White’s wife, was running the Book Buy Back. It was an absolute pleasure working for her; she is super friendly and funny. Honestly, I could not have asked for better ship service hours.

All I did for the Buy Back was box up books which had been sold back to the UVA Bookstore. And when people weren’t there I played Euchre, which is like a simplified version of spades/hearts. It was fun, and the hours flew buy.

After work I went to lunch. I ate with Perry, the lifelong learner. I’ve already described him, so I’ll refrain from doing so again here. But he’s the man. Anyway, he and I had talked throughout the voyage about our displeasure with the administration. Perry’s dissatisfaction came mostly from the fact that a group of students had been punished for playing poker for no money. The students had previously played for money and had been told they could not gamble, so they continued to play without money. When they again got “caught,” they were told that poker is gambling, regardless as to whether or not money is involved.

So Perry had recently spoken to Dean Laurence, who admitted the poker decision was the wrong one. Perry also brought up my situation, and Perry informed me that Dean Laurence spoke very highly of me. Laurence also explained the immense stress he was under after many students faced health complications drinking, and he admitted that influenced how he handled my situation. In short, Dean Laurence told Perry he overreacted.

It was nice for me to hear that Laurence felt he overacted, but it left me angry. If he recognized that he overreacted, why hasn’t he apologized? I understand he’s human, I even sympathize that he has to deal with morons drinking themselves half to death. Just apologize, that’s all I want. But he never did.

After lunch, I practiced the Ballad of Jedediah with Tolan and Derek. It went great, couldn’t wait to perform that night.

I took a nap after practice and then went to dinner. Once I’d eaten, Tolan and I got together to practice Life as Ballerz. Inexplicably, practice went terribly. We didn’t have a single mistake-free run-through.

Unfortunately, we were out of time to practice, so we got into costume and went to the Union. Earl opened for us with some stand-up. He’s very talented; I hope he pursues it seriously. I’d like to consider myself a pretty funny guy, but I’m nowhere near funny enough to do stand up. Takes special talent.

Then we were up. The second I hit the stage, all my nerves were gone. Obviously, the solitary confinement issue had to be addressed. So Tolan, playing off our running joke of being the ship’s “comedy bad boys,” said I’d one-upped my badass-ness with the solitary confinement. My unrehearsed response, after first noting we’d both one-upped our badass-ness with our costumes, was “It’s true; I was in solitary confinement for two days. I’m gonna be writing my memoirs. It’s called A Longer Walk to Freedom, so you can take that, Nelson Mandela.” Definitely one of the better jokes I made throughout the semester.

But the performances were great. I’ll just go ahead and link the youtube videos. Life as Ballerz: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGzzfxaNjgU and Ballad of Jedediah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0rI7f_0YHo&feature=related

I miss being a quasi-celebrity.

Day 103 – At Sea

2010-08-29T20:27:00.000-07:00

I slept in yet again. Why yes, it does look like we’re starting to see a trend, my beloved readers. You guys are sharp. I’m guessing that I was just way behind on sleep with all the traveling, particularly after Brazil.

After a shower, I put on a suit and went to Diane’s class. I’ll give ya more on the suit later. Diane’s class was great. For our final, all we did was practice all the different voice exercises we learned, and we each recited a poem. Here was mine, I wrote it myself: “In confinement I sit/ Solitary is my state/ I feel like a tit/ These walls I do so hate.”

After class, Ori took pictures of Nick and myself dancing in the Union. That’s where the suits came in. Now you’re probably thinking, “That’s weird.” Fair point, dear readers, but you don’t have the context. Since we couldn’t go to the Alumni Ball, Ori planned to photoshop Nick and myself into the dance photos and put it in the Voyage Book. (Editor’s Note: Due to the course the evening took, the Alumni Ball Dance photos are actually close-ups of people screaming during the song “Shout!” and, thus, we didn’t get photoshopped in. I really appreciated the thought, though).

After lunch I headed back to the room. I had a few hours to kill, so I just relaxed and read. I can’t remember what I was reading; it may have been the autobiography of Malcolm X. If it was, it was awesome and I had the best time ever.

For the painting final Hana just gave us individual feedback on the painting series we turned in. She gave me some great compliments. My notes say “Definitely going to keep up with art, despite my lack of skill. So meditative.” Unfortunately, I have not kept up my end of the bargain and stuck with art. So I hope I keep my word this time when I saw I’ve got to get back into it.

After dinner I practiced with Tolan; tomorrow was the big day! It was a lot more exciting to be performing at the Comedy Night than for the typical coffee house. With coffee houses, while I’m sure we were high on the list of people’s favorite acts, most people came to see the event, not us in particular. For Comedy Night, people were coming to see us. Don’t believe me? Well, readers who I now hate, I did a super valid scientific study. And by that, noticed that many more people were saying “I’m excited for your performance!” than they had for any coffee house.

Before bed I looked for Amy, but, unfortunately, I couldn’t find her anywhere. So I just watched an In Treatment with Nick before calling it a night.

Day 102 – At Sea

2010-08-29T18:57:00.001-07:00

It was a study day for A classes today, which meant no class. Woot! I took the opportunity to sleep in.

After grabbing lunch, I spent a few hours finishing up a few pieces for drawing class. I know I’ve said it a bunch of times, but I really like drawing. It is so relaxing, I’ve gotta get back in the habit.

That afternoon I went to the top deck to help Toby shoot his movie called Togetherness. He basically just needed bodies, and I was happy to help him out.

During the shooting, Marcus was helping Toby get footage and had to stand on a rail to get one of his shots. A security officer asked him to step down, but Marcus said he just needed to be up for about 30 seconds to get his shot. The security officer said that was fine and walked away. No fear, Cynthia to the rescue! She ordered Marcus to get down. When Marcus told her the security guard said it was fine, Cynthia replied by saying “she asked me, as the Dean of Students, to tell you to stop.” I watched the entire interaction, and the officer did no such thing. When Marcus balked at the request, Cynthia threatened serious consequences if he did not get down immediately. So he got down and didn’t get the shot. Toby later told me that his movie was going to suck because he missed the shot he needed. (Editor’s Note: One sentence in the previous paragraph is made up).

After dinner I practiced with Tolan. We were getting better and better at the rap, but still not perfect. That was OK, though, we had two more days to practice.

After I practice Amanda invited me to her room to watch Indiana Jones. We cuddled, joked around, and watched the movie. It was a nice, but a little sad. I couldn’t help but think about the fact that the voyage was ending in less than a week. I wish we more time together.

Day 101 – At Sea

2010-08-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

With the whole solitary confinement thing behind me, I enjoyed sleeping in. I woke up around 11 feeling fresh as a daisy. I didn’t smell as fresh as a daisy, though, so I took a shower.

I grabbed a quick lunch before I had to present my Global Studies group project. Now Nick and I were smart about this; we selected two partners on the sole basis that they, like us, wanted to half-ass the project. So, while some groups spent upwards of 50 hours making movies and other things, we just did a powerpoint on water and energy use in bathrooms around the world. I spent less than 2 hours total on the project.

Our presentation went fine. Don had us race though the powerpoint and then asked us general questions. Our final grade was 88%, which is hilarious for two reasons. First, we did not deserve anything close to a B+. Second, we were, apparently, only one of two groups to receive a B+. The other group got an 88% as well. Every other group got an A, but none higher than 95%. So, in essence, the project was graded on an 8 point scale. We spend a couple hours for an 88%, and the best group spent over 50 hours for a 95%. Talk about diminishing returns.

After the presentation I practiced with Tolan. The Ballad of Jedediah was solid, but it was really tough for us to nail down the rap. It has the hardest vocals of our entire library.

Once we finished practicing, I spent about a half hour studying for that night’s Global Studies Exam. The test was right after dinner, and it went fine. It felt like I got a B. I cannot tell you how liberating it is to take exams with nothing on the line.

After the test Amy came over. Goddamn I miss that girl, because she is flippin cool. And sexy. Needless to say, after spending the evening hanging out with her, my final bullet point for the day says “went to bed happy.”

Day 100 - Freedom!

2010-08-29T16:58:00.001-07:00

My day started with a 9 am meeting with Cynthia and Laurence. I asked Jenny Finn to come along with me because she is a wonderful person with an incredible ability to relieve tension and stress. I figured her presence could only help.

Turned out that I didn’t really need her there, though, as this meeting had a completely different tone. From the moment I entered, I knew it was good news. Cynthia and Laurence welcomed me very warmly, a complete 180 from the angry greeting I received the day before.

Laurence started by telling me that I would be able to return to my room immediately following the meeting. He had been up late talking to faculty, he told me, and concluded that I was a “good guy” and that he now believed my story. At this point, Cynthia piped up. Instead of expulsion, she told us, we would each have to perform 12 hours of shipboard service and would be unable to attend the Alumni Ball. She then proceeded to reiterate why were being punished (coming back late, not calling the ship, etc.), because she gets off punishing people. Seriously, she seemed sexually aroused.

The thing is, I didn’t believe their story then, and I still don’t, now. I’m sure Cynthia and Laurence talked to faculty, and I’m sure they had good things to say about me. I’ll bet it even influenced their opinions of me. But, ultimately, Laurence got a call from the ISE and was told we couldn’t be kept in solitary confinement for returning an hour late to the ship.

And it still irks me that I never received any sort of apology. I was put in solitary confinement by admittedly angry administrators for two days, without even being given a chance to defend myself. They made me grovel in that meeting, but never even said so much as “we could have handled it better.”

Current frustrations upon reflection aside, however, I was elated leaving the meeting. I’d received a fair punishment (ignoring the whole solitary thing) and, more importantly, I was out of that damn room!

Lunch was awesome. I ate outside and stared at the ocean. It’s the simple things you miss when you spend time in slammer.

After lunch I went to Digital Storytelling, where I told the story of the whole ordeal. The class was pretty appalled (though, granted, they were hearing a very one-sided account), and the vindication was satisfying.

Later in the day was our final Gamelan! It was almost bittersweet, except in the sense that the class sucked. So it was less bittersweet than it well sweetsweet. This class was the final tune-up for our big performance, happening the coming evening. As expected we were still really shaky, which made me somewhat dread the coming performance. On the other hand, though, we got to wear awesome costumes, and I got to lead a section. So I was stoked for those parts.

After an uneventful dinner, I headed back to the Union to get into costume. They were pretty sweet; we wore skirts and headbands. After goofing around and taking plenty of pictures, the crowd showed up and we performed. To my pleasant surprise, we didn’t fail. Sure, we were far from spectacular, but we mostly stayed on beat and got through each song without horrible incident.

My favorite part was the end, during which I led a performance of Kechak. Kechack is a three-part piece, done entirely vocally. Each group has a rhythm, which they maintain the entire piece. What they say to that rhythm depends on the leader. If I yell out “CHECK,” all three groups respond “CHECK CHECK CHECK” in unison. Then group 1 continues to yell “CHECK,” but to their beat. I don’t remember it exactly, but it went something like “CHECK (slight pause) CHECK CHECK (pause), CHECK (slight pause) CHECK CHECK (pause),” and so on. Groups 2 and 3 do the same, but they, too, have unique beats. To change it up I’ll yell different words, such as “CHOKE” or “CHOOK,” to which I’ll get a reply of “CHOKE CHOKE CHOKE” before the groups break into their separate rhythms. I hope you’re getting the idea, dear readers, because this is simply the best way I can explain it.

Anyway, the fun part is that I also get to lead dance moves. And I could do whatever I wanted. I did the shopping cart, the sprinkler, Soulja Boy, pretended to pick my nose, and pelvic thrusts. Better yet, we made the audience stand up and join in on the dance, and I got Academic Dean Mark White (I’m a huge fan, he is the man), who was sitting in the front row, to join in on the pelvic-thrusting action. It was amazing.

After the performance, I practiced with Tolan. Though there were no more coffee houses, we were headlining Comedy Night, which was four days away. Had to get the finishing touches on Life as Ballerz and The Ballad of Jedediah.

After practicing I went to bed in my own room. It was good to be back, particular to have my beloved Nicholas snoozing just a few feet away from me.

Day 99 – No Escape from Alcatraz

2010-08-29T15:46:00.001-07:00

I didn’t sleep well. In addition to going to bed late, I was pissed to be stuck in solitary confinement. More importantly, though, I was nervous for Connor. Unlike Nick and myself, Connor was actually receiving credit for attending SAS, seeing as his school has a reasonable study abroad policy. While I wasn’t afraid of the prospect of expulsion, I really did not want Connor to lose his credits. I decided to steer as much blame as I could away from Connor and toward myself during that afternoon’s meeting.

My day was pretty uneventful until my afternoon meeting. Class was fine, but everyone was asking me questions about why I’d come back late and what was happening with me. Diane was really supportive, though, and told me to ask her if I need anything.

After class I had lunch with Derek and a few other people, which was fun, but I could only stay a half hour. I hated the time and space limitations, they really blew. After lunch I just waited in my room for the afternoon meeting, but I left the room confident I’d have things settled.

Unfortunately, my confidence was totally misplaced. The meeting was terrible. I started by thanking them for seeing me and apologizing for my attire (I was wearing a white tee and shorts), noting that my formal clothes were in my room but I took the meeting very seriously. I was immediately cut off, being told that my attire “was the least of my problems” and that I was “in huge trouble.”

I basically spend the next half hour being attacked my Cynthia and Dean Laurence. Laurence opened by saying “I was fuming mad last night, and I’m not done fuming.” This immediately sent up red flags for me, as I wondered why an administrator with over 30 years of experience would make judiciary decisions while admittedly “fuming mad” at the accused student.

Now I promised you, dear readers, that you’d see why telling people at the market about our soccer game plans would prove to be important. Through the grapevine, “we might be late” turned into “we’re coming back late on purpose.” And that was the Cynthia and Laurence’s running assumption, that we came back late as some sort of “fuck you” to the ship’s administration.

I tied to explain that we weren’t trying to be late, but simply recognized that returning late was a possibility. If you leave the ship the last day in port, you have to recognize that there is a possibility you’ll return late, no matter what you do. In this case, we told people our plans because we recognized the possibility we’d be late was higher than average.

Unfortunately, they weren’t buying it. I was accused of lying, by both Cynthia and Laurence. I was further chastised for not showing remorse. Why would I show remorse for malicious intentions I did not have, particularly when I’m also being accused of lying? To top it off, we were criticized for not calling the ship and informing them as to whereabouts, which was the whole point of telling people in the marketplace about our plans.

Because they weren’t buying my story, I decided to turn to the handbook. This seemed like the right move, as our punishment seemed far more excessive than what the handbook dictates for late arrivals (we should have received 12 hours dock time, according to the handbook). In addition, Laurence had strongly encouraged us to familiarize ourselves with the Voyager’s Handbook at the start of the voyage, telling us we’d be prudent “to know our rights.”

He sure sang a different tune in our meeting, though, as he mockingly said “I can see we’re dealing with a lawyer” when I tried to read from the handbook. He then told me “I can quote the handbook, too,” for whatever that’s worth.

The meeting ended with Cynthia telling me, once again, that I wouldn’t be having any fun for the rest of the voyage. Cynthia and Laurence reiterated that we’d likely be expelled, but another meeting was scheduled for the following morning.

After thanking them for their time I returned to my room, fighting back tears of frustration. I spent the next 10 minutes yelling and punching my bed. I spent another 20 just sitting around, stewing. They wouldn’t listen to my side of the story, they wouldn’t listen to the handbook, and they were admittedly “fuming mad” at me. I was screwed.

Thankfully, my next class was painting, and Hana was exceptionally supportive. She asked Nick and me what was going on, and, after hearing the story, said our treatment was “ridiculous” and promised to do something about it. Apparently, a lot of the faculty was at odds with the administration, and she promised to speak to Cynthia and Laurence on our behalf.

I was still pretty upset by the time I returned to my room, though, and I brainstormed as to what I could to get out of that damn room. I emailed Diane and the Bobster, and asked them to speak to the administration on our behalf, as well. I also emailed my parents and asked them to call the ISE. Luckily, there were people with more authority than Cynthia and Laurence. Unfortunately, there were in Virginia, and we were in the middle of the Pacific.

I went to dinner and saw Amy and her friends. They were eating at one of my four available tables, so I decided to join them. The final coffee house was that night, and they asked if I’d be able to perform. Sadly, I told them, I could not. One of the guys then proposed that I perform via walkie-talkie, which would have been super badass, but I didn’t want to piss off the administration any further than I already had. Now, though, I wish I’d done it. It would have been awesome.

As dinner was winding down, Amanda asked me about my living situation. “So you’re in solitary confinement, right? Does that mean you have a single?” Yes it does, baby.

So we went back to my room, and, after a brief tour, started to make out. Pretty pumped I scored a conjugal visit.

But suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Amy grabbed her shoes and hid in the bathroom. It was Cynthia, just checking in to make sure I was in my room. God I hate her. Once she left, Amy and I cuddled for a while, laughing in both relief and at the hilarity of the situation.

Eventually Amy snuck out to go to the coffee house. I tried to watch it, but it just made me sad. I felt so bad that I couldn’t perform with Tolan and Derek, I really felt like I let them both down. But they actually ended up playing a part of the Ballad of Jedediah in my honor. I didn’t catch it live, but saw it later. Certainly tugged on the ol’ heartstrings.

Before I went to bed, I got an email, forwarded from Nick, that his dad had contacted the ISE. The person he spoke to was alarmed by the situation, saying our punishment was extremely harsh and certainly not standard procedure. He informed Nick’s dad that he be contacting the ship immediately. So I went to bed cautiously relieved, hoping this guy would keep Cynthia and Laurence in check.

Day 98 – The Iron Fist

2010-08-29T15:44:00.000-07:00

As Nick, Connor and I sprinted to the gangway, we heard Cynthia, the Dean of Students, calling down to us that we did not need to run. Her tone was pleasant, so I figured we weren’t in bad shape. I was wrong. When we climbed up the gangway, Cynthia said to us, verbatim, “you are in so much trouble I can’t even tell you.”

We were told to leave our stuff at the gangway and go down to the conference room on deck 2. The room had a long table, chairs, a whiteboard, and bathroom without soap, towels, or toilet paper. Since we each had to go to the bathroom that was problematic. I decided to relieve myself on the number 1 front, but number two was in it for the long haul.

After about 45 minutes of waiting, Lauren, the Assistant Dean of Students, came to talk with us. Lauren was the only administrator who, in my opinion, treated us fairly throughout this process. When she sat down with us she listened, fully allowing us to tell our side of the story, only stopping us to ask questions or for further explanations when necessary. She seemed more apologetic and sad than anything else, asking how we got to be late, why we decided to go to the game, etc. Once she heard us out she thanked us and left.

We waiting around for another hour before Cynthia returned with all of the ship’s LLC’s (Living Learning Coordinators, basically the employed RA’s who also ran various ship life programs). Here are some of my favorite quotes from Cynthia, please keep in mind that she has yet to ask us anything about what has happened. “I’m so mad at you guys I can’t even tell you.” “We haven’t decided upon a punishment yet but right now we’re thinking expulsion.” “You won’t be having any more fun, at all, for the duration of the voyage.”

After chewing us out for 10 or 15 minutes, she told us about the new living situations we’d have while they decided upon our final punishment. We were all being placed in solitary confinement (we each got our own, separate rooms), and we’d have 10 minutes to pack ourselves a backpack. We could only leave our room to go to class or for meals. Meals had to be eaten at one of four specific tables and could last a maximum of a half hour.

This is apparently standard solitary confinement procedure on the MV Explorer. My real contention with the treatment lies with the fact that, aside from Nick, Connor, and I, the only other SAS student who was subject to solitary confinement was a kid who smuggled and consumed heroin onboard. Even the other kids kicked off the boat for drug use did not have to live out their last days in solitary.

Once the meeting ended I packed up a backpack of clothes, toiletries, and my laptop, and moved in to the new room. It was actually fairly spacious and had its own bathroom, which was nice. It also had a phone, so I got Nick and Connor’s room numbers, and also jotted down the digits of a few other friends.

That was the good part of the room. The bad part was the fact it had no windows, and that I was required to spend ALL FUCKING DAY IN THERE. Even prisoners get an hour to exercise outside. Just sayin’.

Because I had a meeting the following day with Cynthia and Laurence, who is the Executive Dean, I stayed up late reading the Voyager’s Handbook. There were a few main points I wanted to touch upon. First, our punishment was unprecedented for late arrivals; everyone else had received dock time (being forced to stay on the ship while in port), if they had been punished at all. Second, the only student who had been forced to stay in solitary confinement had, like I already mentioned, smuggled and consumed heroin in the ship. Finally, the handbook reserved first-offense expulsions for “serious offenses” such as sexual assault and drug use.

I went to bed around 3:00 in the morning, confident I’d have everything sorted out after the following day’s meeting.