Days 73 - 77: South Africa

Hi friends! Apologies for the delay getting this up. The days on the ship really fly. As usual for posts about my experiences in port, I’ll start by recapping what I did, then give cultural reactions. If you don’t want to read the whole thing (because I write way too much), I urge you to at least read the cultural reactions. It’s the part I put the most thought into.


Day 1 – Table Mountain

Late last night, Nick, James and I decided we were going bungee jumping. See, South Africa is home to the world’s highest bungee jump. Our neighbor, who really wanted to go, had done a bunch of research on the place. She informed us that it’s located in a really beautiful area with tons of other activities, and that it’s only an hour away. So we decided to do it.

I woke up ecstatic. I had been really nervous the night before, but I woke up pumped. I thought that was odd, but I didn’t really question it. Anyhow, at breakfast we were telling people our plans, and they looked at us inquisitively. People universally seemed to think that the site was seven hours away. So we asked Luzuko, the interport student, and he confirmed the worst: seven hour drive. We all found it so odd that our neighbor’s time estimate was completely wrong. She had done so much research, knowing the price, the numbers to call, even the bus line to take. When we later asked her why she thought the place was only an hour away, she told us she looked at a map and guesstimated. Some people.

Anyhow, we changed our plans and decided to hike Table Mountain. Brianna, the girl from spiritual dance who (I believe) wants my body, was hiking and had asked if we wanted to join. Brianna was going with our friend Jenna, so we decided to all hike together. Unfortunately, when Nick and I went back to our room, our annoying creationist neighbor, who we barely know, mind you, thrust herself into our plans. Which sucked, but resulted in hilarity. Because when we met Brianna’s group, her roommate Alexandra had done the same thing. So we now had two tagalongs, and all I could do was laugh.

Before we went to Table Mountain, we decided to go the Robben Island ticket office. On a prayer, we wanted to see if they had any tickets which could only be purchased at the office. Unfortunately, they did not. All the tickets were sold out. I honestly wanted to cry. But I didn’t, because I’m super tough.

After grabbing cash at an ATM, we took cabs to Table Mountain. Knowing that the cabs might get split up, I made sure to avoid the cab with Alexandra and the creationist. As it turned out, the cabs did get split up, and I ended up hiking with just Nick, Brianna, and Jenna. Boy did I feel bad for James, but I was glad to trim the fat off the group, so to speak.

The hike was absolutely incredible, and the view fantastic. I probably made one of my greatest metaphors of the trip when I likened the views we could see while hiking to foreplay. And the climax, of course, would be when we reached the top. I took this joke much further than necessary, as with each view I likened the foreplay to getting more intense. When I finally said “I think the penis has made an appearance,” Nick jumped in by saying “this landscape’s a slut.” Undoubtedly the line of the day.

But, as I was saying, the hike was gorgeous. It overlooked the city of Cape Town, as well as the majestic water. And as we got higher we could see Robben Island. But I was still too bummed about that to appreciate its beauty. Anyhow, I actually have Jenna to thank for how much I enjoyed the hike. Because she frequently rested, forcing us to take a slow pace. Had she not been there, I stupidly would have tried to be manly and brave the trail in an hour. But, had I done that, I would have failed to appreciate the fantastic views and crisp, fresh air.

Eventually we reached the top, where we ran into the group we came with. I took James aside and apologized, but he would hear none of it. It was actually they who separated from us, as evidenced by the fact that they beat us up without passing us.

The view from the top (or climax, so to speak), was stunning. We were literally in the clouds. Looking down to on the northern side of the mountain was a breathtakingly gorgeous beach, right up against the base of the mountain. And to the south was the city of Cape Town and the sparkling ocean. So we amused ourselves taking photos, and I got in a dancing video above the Cape Town cityscape.

But at this point it was about 2:30, and I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. So I was relieved to get to the restaurant (yes, the restaurant is on the top of Table Mountain). I got a burger and beer combo. The burger was real thick, and had been drenched in this delicious brown sauce which was mostly savory but a bit sweet. Maybe it was because I was so hungry, but I thought it was one of the best burgers I had had in a long time.

After lunch, we decided we ought to head down. Unfortunately, the line for the gondola down was really long. We ended up waiting nearly two hours. And as we waited, the winds picked up. In turn, we all got cold. So we huddled up like penguins. Those little guys are damn clever; it’s a great strategy. The collection of body heat really warmed us all up.

Even better, Brianna, who had been showing me interest all day, held my hand while huddling up. It don’t get much clearer than that.

Once we finally got back, we hailed a cab. The goal was to get back to the ship around 6:00, because Brianna, Jenna and I all love spiritual dance. And that night Jenny Finn, the lovely lady who runs spiritual dance, had arranged to get a group dancing at a local studio in Cape Town. I caught the group just as they were leaving, but I decided not to tag along because I really needed to pee. It was all for the best, though, because I also wanted dinner.

Nick and I relaxed for a while and watched a bit of In Treatment, and then went out to the bar street with James, Earl, and Todd. Todd is the last roommate in the Tolan, James, and Earl quad. He’s a cool guy.

Anyhow, those guys went out in search of a bar, while Nick and I wanted dinner. We found a restaurant that looked pretty good, and I got a pizza and milkshake. Nick got a spicy chicken sandwich. The food was solid, but the most notable part of the meal was when a guy came up saying he was hungry and asked me for “a donation” (we were eating outside, pretty much right on the sidewalk). I’m not sure why, but I gave him a slice. And when I say I’m not sure why, it’s because he was totally undeserving. Unlike most South Africans, this guy was overweight. And when I gave him the slice, he had this gleeful look of self-satisfaction on his face. I guess I was just caught off-guard and wanted him to leave. Either way, I lost that round.

After dinner, Nick and I entertained the idea of going out. But we decided to just hail a cab back, because we were leaving to go shark diving at 6:00 am. Meaning we had to be up at 5:30.


Day 2 – Shark Diving

The cruel sound of my alarm rang at 5:30. Getting out of bed was tough, but Nick and I each popped up, knowing there was little time to spare. So we brushed our teeth, packed a day pack, and wearily met up with our group upstairs. Now nine people were confirmed as going, and, according to the email, we were free to bring more people along if we liked. Given the green light, I had invited Kenna and a friend of hers the day before, as they had asked me about my South Africa plans and then asked if they could tag along shark diving.

Upstairs, though, there was now a total of 14 people. When we got in touch with the company, we were told that we could only bring a maximum of 12. So Kenna and her friend volunteered to drop out. Which was a bummer, because going on a day trip with her could have been significant progress.

Anyhow, we boarded the company-provided van and drove east for two hours before arriving at the lodge, which is located near the Dyer Islands. It was on this drive that I began to get a sense of just how pretty South Africa is, as the prettiest landscape just extends as far as the eye can see. There are mountains, hills, and plains, all of which come in a variety of colors. I’ve never seen landscape with so many different colors and so many different types of terrain. I had planned on sleeping during the drive, but I just couldn’t stop staring at the landscape.

Once we got to the lodge, which was really just a beachfront house, we were served breakfast. I had expected the meal to just be fuel, but it turned out to be delicious. We were served eggs, croissants, fruit, yogurt, and granola. It was one of the better breakfasts I had eaten since getting on the ship.

After eating (and paying, of course; total cost was about $145), we went out on our Shark dive. We had to cruise for about 20 minutes in the boat to get to the shark area, and the ride out was phenomenal. We all rode on the roof of the boat, and, combining high speeds with choppy waters, it felt like a roller coaster.

Anyhow, once we got to the stop, we all put on wetsuits. The way the process works is that the cage is lowered into the water and divers get in wearing goggles, waiting with their heads above water. If a shark is nearby, the Divemaster will yell “down front (or left or right)!” Then divers take a deep breath and dive underwater, looking for the shark. The sharks are baited by dumping chum into the water around the boat (though, as a result, my swimsuit later smelt like rotting fish) and, subsequently, a tuna head. The Divemaster will throw an enormous tuna head into the water, which is attached to a rope. If a Great White comes for the tuna head, the Divemaster will pull it toward the cage, hoping to lure the shark as close as possible. The activity is perfectly safe, provided you keep all of your extremities in the cage.

Anyway, we were lucky for today’s shark dive. Within five minutes, we had a Great White come up near the cage. So group 1, my group, hopped into the cage. The water was freezing and a 12-foot Great White was only a few feet away, but for whatever reason I wasn’t nervous. Pretty soon, the Divemaster yelled “down front!” so I took a deep breath and ducked my head under the water. Right before my eyes was a 12-foot Great White. It was pretty breathtaking to see in the open ocean. And the second time we went down, when we saw it bite the bait, it was readily apparent that the thing was a killing machine. Its body is just one giant muscle; it can whip its tail with tremendous power. And it bites with astonishing force; one snap of its jaw could rip your leg right off.

So that was the first dive. Then my group got out of the water to give group 2 a turn. I thought it would be boring to be out of the water, but it was surprisingly fun to watch from the top. We could see the Great Whites swimming around the boat, and if we got lucky it would poke its head or tail out of the water.

Anyway, after a while we got to back in the water. When I hopped back in the cage, I realized that I’d completely forgotten how cold it was. I’ll just say that my nipples were really, really hard. So we had been in the cage for a while with no Great Whites around when we heard the Divemaster telling us that one was approaching. He yelled “down front” and I saw a different 12-footer following the bait to the cage. He took a few bites right against the cage. Though he didn’t bite down right in front of me (some guys got to see inside its mouth), the small fin on its side actually came into the cage. So I got to feel it for a couple of seconds. I could not believe how firm it was. Like I said, the thing is solid muscle.

So that was the highlight of the second dive. But it was the third dive that made my day. We didn’t actually switch groups at this point; two people in the second group just wanted to get out because they were cold. So I hopped in, immediately reminded why they wanted out. While I waited, I ran in place and did pull-ups using the top of the cage, just trying to keep my blood flowing. I ended up running in place under the girl next to me (her butt on my thighs) and she made a comment along the lines of “ooooh, Maxy, we’re getting pretty close.” I responded by saying “yeah, it’s too bad I’m way too cold for any blood to flow to my penis.” But I digress.

Out of nowhere, the Divemaster yells “down front! Quickly!” I dive down and I see 15-footer shooting straight for the cage. I was holding onto the front of the cage, and in my head I was thinking “yes! Come right at me!” Yet before I knew it, my body had taken me straight to the back of that cage, with my hands tightly gripping the back railing. But the Great White did indeed come right at me, and suddenly its head disappeared. It took me a second to realize its head was out of the water. So I pop up and see a Great White gnawing on this tuna head for a good 10 seconds. And it’s literally two feet from my face. It was just unreal.

Maybe twenty minutes after that insanity, we headed back in for a lunch of soup and sandwiches. Which was quite tasty. Back at the lodge, we were given the option to buy a DVD filmed by the boat’s cameraman. He got some pretty sweet footage, so we decided to buy one group copy and then share the files amongst ourselves.

After eating lunch and buying the DVD, we hung around the beach for about a half hour before being driven back to the ship. The drive took around two and a half hours, and I got maybe an hour of shut-eye. Not bad, but I wish I’d gotten in more snoozing.

After showering and resting up, Nick and I went out to dinner with our neighbors Blake and Alan. The coming weekend was the annual Cape Town International Jazz Festival, and tonight was the lone free show. So we knew we wanted to hit that up. We found an Irish pub near the concert grounds and decided to eat there. I got some chicken strips, which were delicious, and drank a few Black Labels.

Once we’d eaten, we headed to the festival. Which was awesome. We saw one group from Japan and one from Iceland, both groups were fantastic. Unfortunately, I’m not music or jazz savvy enough to describe their sounds any further. But I got video of each, and I’ll get some clips up when I again have unlimited internet.

Once the festival ended, we decided to check out the bar scene along with a group of SAS girls we ran into. We went to a bar with a bunch of locals, and inside I saw this woman, likely in her late fifties or early sixties, who was drunkenly dancing. I just had to dance with her. So I went up and asked if I could join her. Soon, I was dancing with a bunch of locals, one of which was a flamboyantly gay guy who hugged me, kissed me on the check, and told me “I love your energy!” Since I’d broken the ice, Nick and the girls soon joined in the dance party. It was a lot of fun. I hope I’m half as spunky as that woman when I’m her age.

Once the bar scene died down, Nick, Alan and I headed to the Clay Oven, where Nick and I had eaten dinner the previous night (Blake headed home after the festival because he had an early-morning wake-up). At the Clay Oven, we shared one last drink and talked about life before cabbing back to the ship and going to bed.


Day 3 – Garden Route Game Lodge

It was tough to wake up and meet my friend DJ and James for breakfast. But we had to, because today the four of us were headed to the Garden Route Game Lodge, located about 350 km east of Cape Town. Before leaving on Semester at Sea, I had researched safari options in South Africa. The SAS trips seemed far overpriced, and I was determined to take one independently, for far cheaper. I settled on the Garden Route Game Lodge because it had the Big 5 (Cape Buffalo, Cheetah, African Elephant, White Rhinoceros, and Lion), was very highly reviewed, on top of that, was the cheapest place near Cape Town – only $185 per person. It was a no brainer, really.

One thing it didn’t come with, however, was transportation. So we had to arrange for a private car. It was pricey ($50 per person each way), but we really didn’t have another option.

On our way to the downtown pickup spot, we walked by a couple of prototypical SoCal “bros.” They each had thoroughly gelled hair, tight shirts, board shorts, and expensive shades. One guy’s shirt read “SHRED ALL DAY.” It turned into a running joke for the next couple of days. We’d speculate about the guy’s facebook status, saying things like “Tim (that’s what I named him) is SHREDDING ALL DAY” or “Tim is tired from a full day of SHREDDING.” You get the idea.

According to the Game Lodge’s website, the ride would take around three and a half hours. And it’s a super scenic, which was nice. But because it was Easter weekend, the traffic was bad leaving Cape Town. We left at around 11:30, which we assumed was plenty of time to arrive before the 4:30 afternoon game drive. But we sat in traffic for well over an hour, and we began to get nervous that we wouldn’t make it in time for the drive. Luckily, traffic cleared up around 1:30, which eased our concerns.

We stopped in a small town called Caledon for lunch, but, since it was Good Friday, lots of restaurants were closed. We did find one place, though, which had great, cheap food. I had a cheeseburger topped with a fried egg, and it was absolutely phenomenal.

After lunch, we got back in our car and headed to the lodge. About a half hour into the ride, we realized that we were further from the Game Lodge than we’d originally thought. So we asked our driver to step on it. He put the pedal to the metal. He was passing all the slow drivers like a champ. And, due to kind drivers headed west alerting him with their brights, we avoided both speed traps that we came across. We got to the Game Lodge at 4:27, just in time to get on the Afternoon game drive.

Despite our late arrival, we actually got great seats in the jeep. I took the front seat next to our guide, which was unoccupied, and is actually is the best seat one can get. And since we got on last, people who had been sitting on the sides scooted in, giving Nick, DJ, and Earl all seats along the side (in different rows). Ca-ching!

Anyhow, our Afternoon game drive was sweet. The first animals we saw were Cape Buffalo, right up close. In the wild, it would be impossible to get as close to these things as we did. Because they are super aggressive and prone to charging without warning. But because it’s a game reserve, the animals are semi-tame and used to the jeeps. We got within 15 feet of buffalo.

Next we saw male ostriches, which are hilarious. They are just so weird. I loved watching them eat. It’s as if their tiny little head is attached to an arm.

After we saw the ostriches we saw zebras, which are just stunningly beautiful animals. Their coats are marvelous.

Once we’d seen the zebras, we went to the elephant enclosure. The elephants had to be kept separately because they had been fighting the rhinos. First the male elephant killed a female rhino, and then the male rhino killed a female elephant. How would a rhino take down an elephant, you ask? It gets under the elephants belly and then stabs it repeatedly in the stomach, using its horn.

But that delightful story aside, the elephants were awesome. The male was trying to get its hump on and the female would have none of it, which led to some delightful pictures. I’m talking elephant kisses, people. Apparently they don’t happen when the elephants are going to mate, but rather when the female is rejecting male advances. So, way to go, human race. You’ve successfully glorified elephant rape.

After seeing the elephants, we went to try to find the cheetah. Our guide speculated that it would be hungry and want to hunt. We saw it hanging out in the corner of the park, trying to get its hunt on. But nothing was close. The male ostriches had actually wandered nearby, and our guide told us that the cheetah was going to try for them. We got to see it slink into running position, and then spring into a sprint. It was awesome. And those ostriches, which are damn fast themselves, took off running. They didn’t stop until they reached the other side of the reserve. It was great.

At this point it was starting to get dark, but we quickly went to see the lions. The lions, like the elephants, have a separate enclosure. Free-roaming lions require at least 3000 hectares of space (1 hectare equals roughly 2.5 acres), and the park is only 1000 hectares. And I doubt the park wants the lions rapidly killing the all animals living there.

Regardless, we got to see the lions as they were feeding. They’d be given a dead cow, and were going to town. But we didn’t get a great view of them, because it was kind of dark and the females were feeding at least 50 yards away. The male was closer, but he was sleeping.

So we left the lion enclosure, heading back to lodge. On our way back, we saw the male rhino eating grass in the open field. Apparently rhinos spend 70% of their days eating grass. That is a damn gluttonous lifestyle. Anyhow, the rhino was cool to see, but since it was dark I was determined to see one again the following morning.

Once we returned to the lodge, we went to the bar for some free shots of sherry liquor. I’d never heard of it, but it is equivalent in alcohol content to sake. I really enjoyed the taste of the sherry, it was nice and sweet.

After tossing back the sherry, we went to the front desk and got the keys to our bungalows. They were actually fantastic; comfortable yet delightfully quaint. Each bungalow, constructed with expensive-looking wood, had two twin beds pushed together, a bathroom, and a small television. I remarked to James, with whom I was sharing a bungalow, that the Garden Route Game Lodge would be a great place to honeymoon.

Anyway, we dropped our stuff in our rooms and headed to dinner. Which was included. And was a buffet. And was incredible. They had a grill with skewers and lamb chops. The skewers were tasty, but the lamb chops were the most delicious I had ever eaten. They also had a full desert bar with mint chocolate mousse, crème brûlée, and these amazing custard-filled little pastries. First free drinks, then sweet rooms, then an incredible buffet? I was loving this resort more and more by the second.

After dinner we all went back to the bar, where James and Nick started chatting up these two Dutch girls. DJ occupied himself on the computer with free internet. I was so exhausted, I just went to bed. It was about 9:30. And I’m officially an old man.


Day 4 – Garden Route Game Lodge

I woke up at 6:45 for a 7:15 game drive. The drive was sweet. I again sat in the front, which gave me a lot of control over what we saw. Because our guide kept asking me what I wanted to see next.

We started by seeing the lions, where we got great views of both the male and a female. We were able to get very close to the male, because our guide tells us that he is fat and lazy. Females are more aggressive, so we kept our distance. We tried to goad it into chasing the car as we drove by (it’s got no chance of catching us if we’re already moving), but to no avail.

As we left the lion enclosure, we got amazingly close to the male white rhino. It literally came only feet from the jeep. I got a great video of me pretending to pet it, scratch its chin, play “got your horn,” and give it a French tickler.

Near the end of the drive, we again found the cheetah. It was on the prowl, but, unfortunately, it never sprang into action.

After the game drive, we got a buffet breakfast. Again, included. And it was unbelievable; the best breakfast I’ve had in recent memory. There was fresh fruit, nuts, yogurt, toast, bacon, two kinds of sausages, crepes, and eggs and omelets made to order. I ate probably four plates of food, and was not hungry again until dinner.

After breakfast we checked out the Game Lodge’s reptile park and cheetah reserve. Both of which were cool, but nothing to write home about. So I won’t any further. HAHAHAHA.

So we left the cheetah reserve and met up with the car we arranged to drive us back to Cape Town. We decided to stop in Somerset West, looking for a supermarket at which to buy snacks. Though we were unsuccessful in our supermarket quest, we did find a market located right on an absolutely striking coastline. I bought a couple pieces of art and two great hats: a fancy-looking white hat (not a top hat but something you’d wear with a suit) and, this one was my favorite, a hat saying “I Love Jesus.” Now, to truly describe just how amazing this hat is, I must go into more detail. The front of the hat has a capital I, followed by a red heart, in which the word “Love” is inscribed in cursive, and then the word “Jesus.” But what truly makes this hat so awesome is the fact that it tries so hard to look cool and flashy. The hat is black, but there’s a cool-looking white pattern which covers the sides of the hat and the front of the brim. And in said pattern on the front of the brim the word Jesus is written again, this time in block letters. The hat is so goddamn perfect.

Anyway, once we got souvenirs we returned to the ship. Nick and James, who had stayed in contact with the Dutch girls from the night before, were going to meet them somewhere in Cape Town. So DJ and I decided to go out. We grabbed a bite on the top deck and then went to this placed called Ivy League, which advertised free drinks from 8:00 to 10:00 with a 30 Rand cover. But when we got there, at this point it was around 8:30, we learned that they changed the deal to free drinks from 9:00 to 10:00 for 40 Rand. So I talked to the manager and got DJ and myself in for half price.

There was a healthy mix of SASers and locals at this Ivy League place, and I eventually started chatting with these two awesome local guys, Sima and Luzuko. I spent the next two hours or so drinking and chatting with these dudes, mostly about girls and what it’s like to live in South Africa. They took me out to a couple other bars they liked, and eventually we reached this pub they liked called Dublin.

While I was sitting outside Dublin sharing a brew with Sima and Lu, I was approached by this British girl on SAS who I barely knew. She sat down and started going on about how much she loves my music (truthfully, I probably ought to say she started telling me how much she loves my comedy, but it’s cooler to say how much she loves my music. Makes me feel like I’m in a band). Before long, she tells me/lets it slip that she has a friend who “fancies” me. So I pry her for a name, but she won’t budge. But she will tell me that this girl, who will remain nameless, has had multiple erotic dreams featuring yours truly. Now I tell her that she’s gotta give me a name, and she eventually cracks telling me that her name is Amy. Well wouldn’t ya know it, Amy is a super cute girl in one of my art classes who regularly goes to spiritual dance. I totally had gotten a friend vibe from her. I suppose I’m even worse at reading women than I thought.

So I keep talking with Sima and Luzuko for a while, but then I figure I ought to go looking for Amy, who was supposedly inside. After giving both Sima and Lu a big hug, Luzuko takes out his empty pack of cigarettes and writes both his name and Sima’s on the pack. I’ll be facebook friending them as soon as I get home.

As luck would have it, my Amy search was unsuccessful. But I did cab back to the ship with a big ego boost.