Being in Korea for 2 months now, I’ve seen countless
beautiful Korean women walking with their arms around with shlubby white
dudes. And as a single, fairly
non-shlubby white dude, I find it agonizing.
Finding a beautiful Korean to put my arm around has started to take over
my thoughts. This post reflects that, so
take it as a forewarning.
But, before I get into the meat of the post, I mentioned the
Lotte Giants and their playoff run.
Well, it ended in anguish. The
got crushed 8-4 in an elimination game.
The dream is dead.
OK, on to girls.
Two Wednesdays ago, I was riding the bus and I saw a
gorgeous girl wearing a hat get aboard.
The hat was a camouflage Lotte Giants hat, one I’d never seen
before. I thought to myself “man, I
should go talk to her.” But I continued
to sit and listen to the White Stripes (the song, in fact, was “You’re Pretty
Good Looking for a Girl”). But after 10
minutes passed, I convinced myself with the delusional logic that, if this were
a movie, the score would probably be a badass song like “Hello Operator” while
the dashing lead approached the beautiful lady.
So I made my move.
I walked up to girl and said “shil lae ha mi da, oh di par
da ilgo” (excuse me, where sell this) and then motioned to her hat. Luckily, she spoke English and told me that
she’d bought it at the Lotte Department Store.
I complimented her on the hat, saying I’d never seen it before. She loved it.
We continued to talk for 10 minutes or so before getting off at the same
stop. When we got off, I asked her for
her number. Before she could respond, I
said “wait, nam ja chin goo isseyo?” (do you have a boyfriend?). She laughed and said she did, but now
regretted it. I laughed and bid her
adieu, pleased with myself for at least getting up and talking to her.
I got another chance to approach a lovely lady on the
ultra-romantic 83-1 bus two days later, as I sat behind a stunning girl sitting
with her friend and wearing a colorful jacket.
Again needing about 10 minutes to build my confidence, I approached with
the same “shil lae ha mi da, oh di par da ilgo,” but this time I motioned to
her jacket. She looked a little confused
as to why I’d inquire about buying a women’s jacket, so I told her that it’s
just my sister’s style. Like the last
girl, this girl spoke English very well and was unbelievably flattered by the
compliment. Unlike the last girl,
though, she was single (I learned she had no man in her life after she told me
“I have no job, I just play all day.”
Given her beauty and expensive clothing and jewelry I assumed she had to
be married to a wealthy guy, so I asked “What does your husband do?” She looked at me in shock and exclaimed “I’m
not married, I’m single!”). We talked
for the rest of the ride, maybe 20 minutes or so. And in a stunning reversal of my normal
character, I somehow managed to be charming and charismatic for the duration of
the ride. I was so charming and
charismatic, in fact, that I got her number while a couple of Korean
20-something dudes looked on in envy.
Twas pretty cool.
After exchanging text messages that evening and the
following Monday, I called Stella Rocky (what I call her; Stella is her English
name, and her Korean name sounds like Rocky) on Wednesday to ask for a
date. She said she had to go to an
aunt’s birthday the upcoming weekend, but agreed to dinner the following
weekend. I was pretty pumped about it,
but when I called her this past Monday she didn’t pick up and didn’t return my
call. My co-teachers think she’s testing
me/toying with me, but it took the wind out of my sails. I’m going to try again today. I’ll keep ya posted, internet.
Speaking of my co-teachers, it turns out that they have
hysterical things to say about relationships.
My four female co-teachers ALL encouraged me to not be deterred if a
girl I’m talking to has a boyfriend. One
told me that she thought I could get 80% girls I tried with that had
boyfriends. Another said “Just because
there is a goal keeper doesn’t mean that it isn’t possible to score a goal” (a
hilarious attempt at the more well-known “Just because there’s a goalie doesn’t
mean you can’t score”). And, before
leaving to call Stella Rocky for the first time, my 6th grade
co-teacher messaged me “Good Luck Bro!” over the school messaging system. I now ask them for advice on all things girl
related, as they are a wealth of information and American sayings.
And now I’m going to talk about three more things is this
post: my new friend Ryan, Fireworks Festival + Halloween, and school (Editor’s
Note: Probably the worst transition I’ve ever written. I’ve spent about 10 minutes working on a
decent transition and have nothing, probably because I’m an entirely mediocre
writer. I’d spend more time, but I have
class coming up in 40 minutes and want to finish before then. The closest thing I came up with was “enough
about girls…” but I’m going to talk about meeting a girl on Halloween. SO DEAL WITH IT).
First, my new friend Ryan.
In short, he’s the fucking man. I
was put in touch with him by Bosston Shangraw, my good college buddy and
co-host of a boring sports radio show we put on. Bosston had come to South Korea with a mutual
friend from college who lived in Korea until he was 10. Ryan was his childhood friend, and he has
grown into a simply wonderful man. He’s
smart, funny, generous, has a car, and makes me wish I was gay. We hung out two weekends ago to watch the
international fireworks competition followed by dinner and drinks, and then the
following weekend on both Friday and Saturday nights.
This past Saturday was the Busan Fireworks Festival main
show. While the international
competition was pretty cool, the show on Saturday made it seem like child’s
play. The show went on for an hour and
was, by far, the most impressive fireworks display I’ve ever seen. The colors were vivid and bright. The fireworks were not only overwhelming in
volume, but also elegant and artful.
Some fell from the bridge like a waterfall. Others exploded to have the jets of light
fall together in beautiful synchronization.
Some exploded and the jets of light shot outward in a spiral
pattern. Others exploded into shapes
like a cube, a smiley face, a bunny face, or to spell “BUSAN.” I have a videos and pictures, I’ll upload
them soon.
After the show Nick, Max, Doug and I went to Kyungsung and
met up with Ryan. We ended up at this
bar/club called the Blue Monkey, which was pretty fun. I love how Halloween is a holiday for
everyone: kids get candy, adults get to give candy to adorable children, and
immature 20-somethings like myself are treated to girls in promiscuous
outfits. I ended up meeting one such
girl, who was fittingly dressed in a Hooters outfit. I was shocked to later learn that she’s 30
years old (30 in Korean, 29 in Amurica), but that sure didn’t stop me from
getting her number.
Before I sign off, I do have a few fun stories/observations
to share from school. I’ll start with
three kids in 3rd grade (all in different classes) that are just
adorable. The first is this little boy
with skin a bit dark for a Korean, glasses, and a really funny sounding
voice. He is the most enthusiastic
student I’ve got, and always screams the answer when we’re doing
activities. Just today, he yelled
“Hello!!” to me from across the field as I walked into school. I knew it was him immediately, as his voice
is so distinct.
The second is a little boy who looks more like an undersized
man. He’s got a really adult-like shape
to his face and he always wears polos with buttons (very rare for 3rd
graders) which are buttoned all the way up.
There isn’t much else that he does that’s funny, I just take delight in
thinking of him as “Little Man.”
The last student is a little girl that is just the most
adorable child I’ve ever seen. Whenever
she knows the answer, she always puts her hand up and shouts “Me! Me! Me! Me!
Me!” I normally would not cave to this,
but she melts my heart. When I walk into
school, there are kids who come to school early to collect trash and tell
people to walk around the field.
Normally, I pretend I don’t understand and walk through the field to get
to the office. But when this girl is on
duty, she’ll run in front of me, yell at me in Korean, and point to the
sidewalk. Like yelling with her hand up,
she’s too cute to say no to. My favorite
story, though, comes from when I was explaining a board game. I was talking about spider squares, which
have a picture of a spider and mean you have to go back to the beginning if you
land on them. Once I explained this, she
shouted in the (cutest distressed voice I’d ever heard) “Oh NOOO!”
The last story to share comes from last Friday, when I was
greeted with a raucous applause from my last 3rd grade class of the
day. One kid said “Teacher Max! You’re like famous guy! Sign this!” and then pretended to hand me a
piece of paper. It would have been
funnier if he’d pretended/actually lifted up his shirt.
OK, off to class.
Sayonara.
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